Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly
by DarkTaoAngel
Summary: Ren's the only person everyone had known to have had a painful past, but what about Horo? After receiving a shocking letter he leaves for Hokkaido. What's Ren to do when he finds out Horo may never come back? Ren x Horo, rated for future lemon.
1. Broken

**DarkTaoAngel: I don't own Shaman King. This idea has been on my mind for a while now, and I wanted to write it before I lost the idea. I also wanted to experiment a bit more with some different styles of writing, and this one I'm going to try and make a bit longer than my other fics. I hope you enjoy this one, and keep watching for updates of my other stories, because I'm going to update as often as I can now. Please review!**

It was exactly five days since their trip to China; five days since they had rescued Ren without so much as a 'thank you' on his part. There was still plenty of talk centered around that trip though, and all of it was surrounded by Ren. They all had asked their share of questions, excluding Horo, who hadn't asked any at all. He had often strayed from the group, not wanting to bother Ren when he knew it upset him. The others couldn't see it, but Ren wasn't openly accepting all of the extra attention. That just wasn't something he enjoyed, especially when it was all about him having to be saved. As though the great Tao Ren needed saving.

Horo had passed Ren's room one night, the night after they had all returned to Japan, and decided to peak in and offer words of comfort if they were needed. After all, he had just endured ten long days of captivity after having been severely beaten by his own father. Most people would gladly accept comfort after something like that, but then again, Ren wasn't like most people. He thought of support and comfort as something for the weak. He didn't want to believe himself to be weak, so he kept on living as though he didn't need people; as though nothing mattered to him. But Horo knew him differently; he knew that who Ren was before and who he was then were two complete opposites. Ren tried to pretend that they weren't, but that was just him lying to himself. He didn't need to lie to anyone, not himself and especially not his friends, but Horo knew that that was just who he was. But even if he could Horo wouldn't change Ren. He loved him just as he was, and although sometimes he could lose control and snap, that was to be expected. After all, Ren hadn't had the happiest childhood, and up until he had met the group of shamans he lived with, he hadn't had anyone to help him through it all.

Taking a quick look inside of Ren's room, Horo confirmed that he wasn't asleep, even though it was late into the night. He was sitting propped up with his back resting against the headboard of his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He looked almost on the verge of tears, as though at any given moment he would start crying, but he never did. It took him approximately three minutes of staring for him to finally notice the other presence in his room, and when he did that look of almost crying immediately disappeared, only to be replaced by his signature look of pure hatred. He turned to Horo, glaring at him for a moment, before standing up and quickly moving towards him.

"What do you think you're doing here?" he spat, taking one step closer to Horo with each word. He spoke in little more than a whisper, but his words were full of abhorrence. But there was another emotion mixed in, one that couldn't be easily identified, but it was there. Sadness.

_Why must he always be like this? Why won't he just admit what he's feeling instead of holding it all inside? It's only hurting him. He never accepts other people's help, even if he really needs it. What does he think he is, better than everyone else? I like him, and I'd even say I love him, and seeing him like this really hurts me. Why doesn't he just admit to what he's going through so someone can help him? So maybe I can help him?_

"Well?" Ren said sharply, interrupting Horo's train of thought. Horo snapped out of it and it took a moment before he realized what was going on. He looked over to Ren, who had his hands on his hips and was leaning slightly to his left, looking at Horo with a bored expression. Horo was almost afraid of the look he was giving him, but that was probably just an act to mask what he was really feeling.

"Uh, I just thought, after all that happened yesterday, you might want some to talk to or something." Horo finally said, realizing after he spoke just how stupid it sounded, but was unable to take it back. He watched as Ren walked away from him, now standing a good ten feet away from him and facing the wall opposite Horo.

"I need no one… so you can just leave me alone." As he said it he suddenly lacked his usual anger, making his voice sound almost… lonely. Horo knew he was lying, but he didn't want to disobey what Ren had told him to do, so he left, hoping Ren could get over this by himself, since he wouldn't let anyone else help him.

Sure, Ren hadn't been through all too much, or so he let on, but it really was a lot to handle. He had been beaten all of his life, locked in the dungeons of his own home, abused by his family, and he still had to live with all that he had done, everyone he had killed before he had come to realize what was wrong about what he was doing. He had murdered countless people, hurt so many, and he had to live with the guilt each and every day of his life. It must have killed him inside knowing what amount of hatred he'd instilled into the minds of others all of his life. Just like that which had been instilled into his mind at a young age. He would never be able to fully forget, no matter how much he told himself that it was no big deal.

(Page breaker)

The next morning Horo was up bright and early, having forgotten what Ren had said the previous night, and he was sure Ren would have forgotten as well. But Ren didn't come to breakfast that morning, he didn't even come out of his room. Every one of the other shaman occupants of the Inn had left by noon, but Horo remained, as he wanted to find out what was going on with Ren, as Ren still hadn't come out. He remembered that Ren didn't want him in his room, but he had to find out what was wrong. So as quietly as he could, Horo walked up the steps, glad that they didn't creak as he stepped on them, and down the hallway. He listened for a moment, waiting to hear anything from Ren, but when no sound came, he became worried. He quickened his pace, and when he made it Ren's room he didn't even bother asking to enter, he just pushed his way in.

His eyes immediately fell upon Ren, huddled in the corner of his room, crying. He didn't even look up as Horo entered, he merely acted as though he didn't hear him come in, which he probably didn't. His face was buried in his knees, which he had his arms wrapped around to steady himself. He was still wearing his yellow silk pajamas, which had small water spots on them from where Ren's tears had fallen.

Horo walked cautiously over to him, leaning over and placing a sympathetic hand on Ren's arm. Ren's eyes immediately shot open as he looked up, coming face to face with the Ainu beside him. His eyes were red from crying, but upon seeing Horo he stopped. Horo thought for a moment that he was going to say something nice to him, or at least not shove him out of the room, but again he was wrong.

"Why are you here? Didn't I tell you I didn't want you here? Leave me alone! I hate you! Just leave me alone!" Ren's voice was a bit shaky, but it was more hateful than even the old Ren would have been. And it sounded as though he really meant it, as though he truly loathed Horo. It hurt, hearing him speak with such evil in his words. It broke Horo's heart.

Horo left Ren's room, feeling a sense of guilt for having made Ren hate him like he did. But, it wasn't all his fault, Ren wasn't mad at him, just the world in general. People can get like that if something bad happens to them, and Ren qualified perfectly for that. He ran a hand quickly through his messy blue hair, shrugging it off for the moment in hopes of forgetting it altogether.

Horo heard his stomach growl and, being the constantly hungry person he was, decided to get some early lunch. As he made his way to the kitchen to get something to eat, the doorbell rang. It was the person who delivered the mail, so Horo went to get it. He was still worried about Ren, but he didn't want to worry about it. He knew that when Ren was ready he would come out. Or if he was hungry, for he was bound to want something to eat sooner or later.

Most of the mail was for either Yoh or Anna, with the exception of one for Ryu from some girl that he had met in China. Horo went through them all, but stopped at the second to last one. It was addressed to him, Horokeu Usui, and it was from his mother in Hokkaido. He was a bit skeptical at first, but he opened it and found that it was a letter, neatly written, but with great water splashes over part of the parchment. Horo soon recognized these to be tears, and as he read through the document, he soon discovered why.

Horo wrote a quick goodbye note to all of his friends and, taking one last look in the direction of Ren's door, he went to pack his suitcase. He didn't want to leave, but the note had made things urgent. In his goodbye note he told of what the letter from his mother had been about, and why he had to leave.

He was leaving that night, for Hokkaido, and he wouldn't be able to say his goodbyes to his friends. He wished he could have stayed, but he had to leave, for reasons far too painful for him to admit to any of them in person.

(Page breaker)

"Horo?" Ren whispered, finally having gotten dressed and come out of his room, feeling miserably guilty for having snapped at Horo like that. But the ice shaman was nowhere to be seen. Ren called his name once more, still not hearing any reply. He was getting a little worried, but he tried not to let it bother him.

"He's not here." Ren heard a voice from the next room say, and he turned to face Yoh, who had apparently come home early, for he was the only one there besides Ren. His light brown eyes caught Ren's, and Ren could tell something was wrong. His eyes… they didn't hold the usual spark of life, the happiness that was trademark of the young Asakura.

"What? Where did he go?" Ren asked, thoroughly worried at that point, and hoping that nothing bad had happened to him.

"Didn't you hear about what happened?" Yoh questioned. Ren slowly shook his head, wondering what he was talking about.

"Pirika's… dead." Ren's eyes widened. He'd known Horo's sister, they'd met during the Shaman Fights, and suddenly to find out that she'd died… it was just unbearable. Everyone had been lucky, no one had died in battle, and now this? How was everyone else going to take the news?

"What!" Ren shouted, truly shocked, wanting to know if he had heard Yoh right. But Yoh didn't even respond, he simply snatched up a small piece of paper that Ren hadn't even noticed off of the kitchen table. He handed it to Ren, who eyes flicked across the paper as he read. The note said:

_Everyone,_

_I'm sorry I didn't say this to you in person, but it would have been far too difficult for me to. I received a letter from my mom today. Pirika's dead, and her funeral is going to be in Hokkaido in two days. I have to leave tonight to get there by then. I'm sorry, but I probably won't be coming back to Tokyo. I took all of my stuff with me. My parents need me, and I have to help out around the fields. I'm really sorry, guys, but this is goodbye. _

_-Horokeu_

Ren had to reread the note three times for it to all sink in, and even then it didn't all register with him. He felt terrible, especially because the last things he'd told him where that he hated him and wanted him to leave. Well, he had gotten his wish, hadn't he? Horo was gone now, and he wasn't coming back.

Horo wasn't coming back.

He was gone.

Ren would never see him again.

He had left without saying goodbye.

Ren had never gotten to tell him all he had meant to…

That he had loved him.

"What's this all about?" Ren questioned, his voice coming out sharper than he meant it to. He grabbed Yoh by the collar of his shirt, lifting him slightly, but Yoh didn't even fight back. He seemed to be just as affected by Horo leaving as Ren was. Ren soon discovered that it was futile, however much violence he used, however many times he questioned, Horo was not coming back. He was never coming back.

"I'm… sorry." Ren said shortly, releasing Yoh's shirt and stepping back slightly, looking ashamed with himself. Before Yoh could even say anything, Ren rushed out of the room and into his own room, slamming and locking the door. He flung himself upon his bed, burying his face in his pillows, and sobbed. Though he didn't want to show how much Horo leaving hurt him, it really did. He never meant to do or say any of the things he did, and he just wished he could have told him one last time how sorry he was. But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't turn back time.

Tears stung at Ren's eyes, but he made no effort to wipe them away, for they would continue flowing anyway, no matter if he got rid of the first few or not. Tears were for the weak, Ren had always convinced himself that was fact, and he had never cried in his life… until he'd met Horo.

It wasn't until he'd met Horo that he'd gone up against is father.

He'd sacrificed everything when he'd met Horo.

He hadn't known what was wrong from right until Horo.

He hadn't known feelings and emotions until Horo.

He hadn't known love until he'd met Horo.

He'd gone through pain because of Horo, but it hadn't hurt as much as pain before Horo. Because Horo was there with him, helping him, giving everything to protect him. And how had he rewarded that trust? By hurting Horo when he'd been there for him the whole time.

Ren's whole body shook as he cried, wanting Horo to be there for him at that moment. He heard a knock at the door and thought for a minute that it was Horo, coming to see him, and he smiled at the thought, but that smile soon vanished as he heard a voice through the door.

"Ren? Is there something wrong?" no answer came, but Yoh could hear the muffled sobs coming from inside, and he knew Ren was there. "Ren? It's Yoh, can I come in?" still no answer. Ren heard a sigh from outside the door, accompanied by the sound of footsteps and then silence. Yoh had left, and Ren was glad he had. He wanted to be alone for a while, to think things through, though he knew it wouldn't make any difference, no matter how much he thought.

Ren stayed in his room the rest of the night, despite the fact that he hadn't had anything to eat all day. He wasn't hungry, though his grumbling stomach said otherwise, he refused to eat.

Ren had known that Horo's father had died when Horo was two and Pirika was just a baby, but he hadn't mentioned much of it to anyone. Ren had known it had really hurt him, his father being killed in a car accident, but he hadn't even tried to comfort him. Perhaps that's what he had needed and never got. Maybe he was trying to comfort Ren, to show him how it felt to be loved. What it felt to feel needed, as though someone genuinely cared for you, and wasn't just putting on a show or pretending. Horo had always been trying to help Ren, to teach him how to love, and what it was like when someone cared about you. What it was like when there was no hatred, no violence, and if you were not feeling good, or felt like crying, someone would be there to get you through it and help you heal. Horo had always tried to teach Ren that. Horo was always there for anyone, and made everyone feel loved and appreciated. Because Horo'd never had that feeling.

That night Ren chanced a trip out of his room, and he walked silently to the other side of the house to Horo's room. He was still unable to believe that Horo would never come back. Perhaps he had left some of his stuff so that his room would be left untouched for when he returned? But Ren never expected what he found when he got there.

The room was completely empty, striped of everything in it other than furniture. The walls were blank of all pictures and posters, showing white walls that were covered up before. The bed, too, had only white sheets on it, and the shelves had only dust set upon them. Ren moved over to the desks, opening them and hoping to see piles of clothing littering them as was usual, but found, again, nothing.

_He's gone, face it, he left. He took everything and left. He didn't want to stay here. You'll never get to see him again. Stay here all you want, it's not going to bring him back. _

"But… I don't want to believe it. He's not gone, he can't be! Why, why'd he leave? Why did he leave me?" Ren was speaking to anyone in particular. There was no one there to talk to. Horo had been there for him at one time, for him to talk to, but now Ren had no one. Just one empty room. It went together so well with his empty heart.

(Page breaker)

Yoh came into Ren's room the next afternoon to find that he wasn't there. He had thought at first that he had run away, but he soon knew exactly where he was. He went across the Inn to find Ren, asleep on Horo's bed. Tears lined his face, so it looked as though he had fallen asleep after having cried all night. Yoh didn't want to wake the sleeping Ren, so he left the room, leaving the door ajar slightly so as not to wake Ren with the noise of the lock clicking, and left for his noon training session with Anna.

Ren slept for two more hours, peacefully sleeping for the most part, his dreams centered around Horo, which made them sad and happy at the same time. They were happy because Horo was there in them, but terribly sad because Ren knew that, when they were all over and he woke up, Horo would be gone.

Ren woke up around three in the afternoon, wondering why his alarm clock had failed to wake him earlier. He knew about what time it was, as the sunlight was pouring in through the window in the room. And then it hit him… this wasn't his room. He had slept in Horo's room all night. He couldn't even remember having fallen asleep, but he had, and for a very long time, too. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, noting that he still had his clothes on from the day before, but didn't even bother returning to his own room to change. He didn't care if he looked a bit sloppy for one day.

Ren stretched like a cat and got out of bed, looking around the room again to make sure he hadn't imagined Horo leaving, but he hadn't. The room was just as empty as it had been the night before, except for one item was laying on the desk closest to the bed. Ren moved towards it to find out that it was a piece of paper, but not just any paper, a map of Hokkaido. Ren thought for a moment, wondering whether or not it had been in the room the night before, but as far as he could remember, it hadn't.

Ren opened the map fully and saw that it was of all of Japan, but the page with Hokkaido on it was circled, as were the directions from Tokyo to Hokkaido. Ren thought at first it had been left by Horo, but he hadn't seen it laying there the night before, so it must have been placed there by one of the occupants of the Inn. But, the only one that was there the night before, when Ren had gone into Horo's room, was…

"That lazy brunette, if he thinks this'll help he's—" but Ren didn't say anything after that, for an idea had struck him, and it made clear the reason why Yoh had left the map in Horo's room. He had known Ren was in there. Ren was desperate. He wanted nothing more than to apologize to Horo and see him at least one more time before they said goodbye. Yoh had known what Ren would have done anyway, and had merely given him a shove in the right direction.

Ren took the map and left Horo's room, taking one last look at it as though he would never be back. But he would be back, after he did what he needed to. He went to his own room, took out his suitcases, and began to pack.

He was going to get Horo back.

He was going to say goodbye.

He was going to say how sorry he was.

He was going to Hokkaido.

**DarkTaoAngel: How is that for a long chapter? Did I do good? I hope I did, and I will try to make the other chapter just as long or longer. Now, I have something to ask of you: I might put a lemon in later chapters, if you want one, but I don't really write that kind of stuff, not that I could if I wanted to. It's going to be a HoroRen lemon if I get one in later chapters, but again, I can't write one properly. So, if anyone wanted to write one for me, I'd be happy to post it and give you the credit. The reason I'm asking is because I think I should at least have one in this story, and you all deserve one, that's why this story is going to be so long, but I still don't think I can write one. So, if you have one I can use, just write it in a document and send it to me in an e-mail. My e-mail is animanga12 (at) yahoo (dot) com! Thanks, and please review this because I spent a lot of time on it, and I want to know that my hard work was appreciated!**


	2. Stranded

**DarkTaoAngel: Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter, and I hope this one will be just as good or better. The last one was about four chapters put together in length for me, so I worked really hard on it and wrote it in one night. I hope to do the same with this one. Please review!**

Ren packed enough clothing for five days, which was about how long he was planning on staying. He called for one of his thirty-three jets to arrive at the Tokyo airport, and he waited for a cab to take him there. Ren calculated that it would take him four hours to get to Hokkaido and find Horo, and he would stay at a motel once there if he had to. Food wasn't much of a problem, as he didn't need to eat on the way there, and he'd be there in a matter of hours, so he would find a restaurant once there. Unlike Horo, he could go more than two hours without so much as thinking of eating.

The jet, which happened to be Ren's newest one, was also his smallest, which was good as only Ren and the pilot of the jet would be flying in it, so it didn't need to be overly roomy; the mass of the jet would only slow them down if it was larger. Ren heard the taxi he'd called pull up in front of the residence, and the driver got out to take his luggage. Normally, he wouldn't have done such, but the extra money that Ren had handed him at the end of the ride had made up for any of the struggle he'd had with the suitcase. Ren had remembered to pack winter clothes as well as summer clothes, as Hokkaido was bound to be cold, but he needed something to wear of his trip back to Tokyo as well. He didn't bring much else, except for a little extra money for when he got there, which to any normal person would have been counted as an awful lot of cash, but since his family was rich, it didn't seem like that much to him.

The taxi took Ren all the way to the landing site in the airport, and Ren took his luggage from there. The jet had just arrived, and Ren was able to board it right away, as the pilot recognized him from last time he'd needed the jet flown, which was only once, as he never used it. Ren had the Chinese man, whose name was Shen, his suitcase, and entered the small plane.

The jet was very spacious inside for being considered small. It had ten chairs in the front for passengers, and an extra room in the back, which was where Ren would be on the way to Hokkaido. The room had a long, leather sofa in the middle of it, and two small full-size beds in the corners. There was a small fridge to the left of the room, and it was filled with juice and fruit, even a few sodas. Ren layed down on the couch and prepared for what was expected to be a very long ride.

One hour passed and somewhere between the jet's departure and then Ren had managed to fall asleep. Stretched out on the larger of the two small beds, Ren's feet didn't even reach the edge of the bed. He cuddled up to one of the blankets for warmth, for the weather outside was beginning to match that of Hokkaido, even though they weren't even halfway there yet. Ren was a generally light sleeper, but as the wind began blowing, he didn't even stir. It seemed as though things were going quite smoothly, that is, until they were about two hours into the ride.

Ren had awoke after about one and a half hours, and was currently reading one of the extremely long books he'd brought with him. His eyes drooped slightly, as he was still tired and hadn't gotten any sleep from the night before, having woke up at about six in the morning to depart for Hokkaido, but he tried his hardest to focus on the book. Telling himself that there were only a couple more hours left and he'd be there, he leaned back further in the couch, going back to his reading. The book he was reading was in all Chinese, and it was almost one thousand pages long. He'd read it once before, but that was a few years back, and it was the best choice for him to read while flying, as the words were larger print than any of his other books, so he didn't have to concentrate as hard to read the print.

The jet swerved sharply to the left suddenly, causing Ren to curse loudly as the book in his hands was sent flying, and he had fallen on the floor roughly. Still muttering curses under his breath, he picked himself up off of the hard floor, grabbed his book, and noticed that he'd lost what page he was on. He glared at the pilot, even though there was a wall separating the two of them, and shouted just loudly enough for him to hear.

"What was that all about?" he spat, leaning back on the couch again and opening his book to the approximate page he'd stopped at last, not able to find the exact page.

"My apologies, sir, but we're experiencing some rough weather. It seems as though a storm is coming in. do you still wish to chance flying this high, or should we land?" the pilot's voice was crisp, just like a butler's voice, and it was also very curt. He seemed a bit worried, but knew that he should first ask the owner of the jet, Ren, whether or not he wanted to land. It was only proper, plus Ren was the one paying him so generously to fly him such a short distance.

"There's no need for that, Shen, as it would only slow us down. No, continue flying, I don't think anything will happen from such a small storm. As you were." Ren waved him off, taking, once again, to his book. But, as fate would have it, to continue flying was quite possibly the worst decision Ren had ever, and would ever, making in his life. About fifteen minutes of silence passed, and nothing worse had happened since the jet had made a sudden turn earlier. They were about one hour from Hokkaido, however, when everything went wrong.

The storm intensified, causing wind to blow snow in front of the windows of the jet, obscuring everything that the pilot needed to see to navigate it. The jet made another dramatic swerve, this time turning it on its side. The wind let up a bit, revealing a huge mountain, right in front of the jet. The pilot tried to avoid it, but it was impossible. He put down the joystick and ran for cover, but it would take more than just hiding under something to protect him from the string of large mountains colliding with the small jet.

Ren heard the storm outside the jet intensify, and he knew something was wrong. He attempted to leave the room and find the pilot, but he didn't even make it to the door before the jet tilted again and he was sent flying sideways. He looked out of the window, seeing a large mountain close by. It was getting closer, and Ren knew that the pilot could not avoid it from that distance. Grabbing a pillow from a nearby bed and covering his head with it, he prepared for the impact that he knew was coming….

(Page breaker)

Ren groaned, lifting his head up slightly, which proved to be a most difficult task as it seemed heavier than it had been before. His eyes were closed, and he didn't want to open them because they hurt so badly. All of him hurt, especially his head. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out except for a muffled kind of moan. He eventually managed to open his eyes, but what he saw turned out to be way worse than how he felt.

He was laying in a snow covered field, it looked like, but it was actually the mountain. Snow was falling all around, and he looked down at his legs to find them covered in the white stuff. His head felt oddly heavy again, and he rubbed it with his hand, but retracted it when he felt something sticky on it. Looking at his hand he found it to be something crimson in color, and he immediately recognized it as blood. He panicked, standing up suddenly, but his knees buckled and he was immediately on the ground again, coughing as he fought to breathe. Blood came out of his mouth, and for a moment he thought he was going to die then and there, but something came to his mind, something that gave him the will to live.

It was Horo.

Horo was in Hokkaido. Ren had never apologized for what he had said to him before he left, and he had also never gotten to tell him goodbye. There was still too much to be said and done, and Ren would not – no, could not – die until he got to see Horo at least one last time. He meant that much to Ren.

Ren managed to get on his hands and knees, but he felt as though he could not get any further. His legs would not support his weight, and wherever he touched he felt blood. One of his eyes was swollen, though not completely shut, and there was blood flowing freely from a deep gash in his left arm, which was too numb for him to even move it.

Ren struggled to his feet after a few minutes of coughing up blood, but he felt nauseas and fell back down. Clutching his head tightly, he prepared for the worst. But then that same thought from earlier struck him, that he was not living for himself, but for Horo. He owed him at least that much. And after he got to Horo and told him that he was sorry, he could die for all he cared. He just wanted to live long enough to say goodbye.

Ren felt the material of his shirt and found it to be covered in blood. He rung it out as best he could and attempted once more to stand. But this time, he actually managed to. Getting to his feet, Ren wobbled for a bit before straightening up without falling again. He spread his arms apart in front of himself, so that if he did fall, he'd land on them. His back hurt terribly, probably from the crashing of the jet, and it felt as though he'd broken a few ribs, but nothing more serious than that. It was then that it all hit Ren. The jet had crashed. They'd run into the mountain. What had happened to Shen? What had happened to the jet?

And then Ren saw it. A few yards to his left lay the smoldering wreck that was his jet. It appeared to have blown up upon crash-landing by the mountain. And a few feet away from that lay Shen, surrounded by a puddle of blood. Ren ran up to Shen, falling beside him and not even caring that it felt like his entire back was on fire as he did so. He checked Shen's pulse, and to his horror, there was none. Ren turned him over to find that the blood was coming from a large gash in his chest, right into his heart, from a rather large piece of the jet stuck in him. Ren promptly removed it, but that only made the blood come out even faster. He tried to stop it from coming, but it didn't help. Shen was dead. Ren would give him a proper burial later, but he had to focus on keeping himself alive for the moment. Stranded at the top of the Hidaka Mountains with no food… it was only a matter of time before he either starved to death, or killed himself.

Ren looked around and found his suitcase laying nearby. It was broken apart quite literally, and when he looked in it he found that all of the clothing was torn and burnt as well. Ren looked around the ruins of the jet, seeing nothing of use to him; except for the small blanket from the bed he'd fallen asleep on not even two hours ago. he lifted it up and found that it was full of holes, and would not keep him very warm, but whatever bit of warmth, however little, it gave could mean the difference between life and death for Ren.

Ren took one last look at Shen, but the sight was too painful for him to look at for long. Not only had Shen been a servant to the Tao family for many years, but he had also been Ren's only childhood friend. He'd helped him through so many hardships, and now he was dead before Ren's eyes, because Ren had made him keep flying. Because Ren had not let him land safely until the storm was over. Because of Ren, Shen was dead. Because of Ren. Everyone always got hurt because of Ren. He'd hurt Horo, and now Shen. For a moment Ren thought it would have been better for everyone if he just curled up and died right there on the mountain. But then he shook that thought out of his head. He still had to find Horo and apologize. After that he could kill himself for all he cared. He would have no reason after that to live.

Ren hiked for almost two hours after that. Still clinging to the tattered blanket he finally found a small cave built of snow. It was only large enough for him to fit in up to his shoulders, but that would have to do. He was tired, stranded, and badly injured. He no longer had the energy left in himself to go very far, and he'd left Bason back at Itsumo because he hadn't thought he would need him. That wouldn't be the first time that day that he had been wrong.

Ren crawled backwards into the small cave-like space, pulling the blanket over his head. He did not sleep that well that night, and he knew that would not be the only sleepless night he would get while out there on that mountain. He just hoped that he would not die in his sleep, for at that moment, it was a great possibility.

(Page breaker)

The next morning Ren woke up early, knowing that he had to think about how he was going to get off of the mountain. He was groggy and knew that, if he had an alarm clock, it would have been about four in the morning. He was freezing cold, and thought at first that he had at least gotten a little hypothermia, but was astonished to find that his arms and legs were fine. Well, all except his left arm, which still felt numb and he was unable to move his fingers. He couldn't feel his arm from his elbow and below.

Willing himself to stand, Ren once again struggled with this task. But that morning in particular his legs felt like rubber and refused to support him. He fell backwards, falling on his snow cave, which broke apart completely. Ren would have to find new shelter for the next night, and he would also have to look for food, which would prove to be difficult where he was. He would have allowed himself to die easily, for it would have been so much more relieving and easy than living, but there was still that one thing left for him to do before he could move on.

He had to live for Horo.

He had promised himself that he would not hurt anyone again.

After what had happened to Shen, he didn't want to leave Horo hurt.

He didn't want to hurt anyone…

Like he'd hurt Horo.

All of his life Ren had never minded violence; killing was just another simple task in his life and was nothing major to him. He had lived in the darkness, thrived off of the pain and suffering of others. But he did not want to live like that any longer. He wanted to change, before it was too late. But, after what had happened to Shen, was it too late? Would he never be able to change his life? He had thought that he could, but he had already hurt so many, killed so many. Was that why he was stuck on that mountain? So that he could experience the pain that he had put so many others through? If he died, would he become a spirit? Would he go to Heaven?

Ren shivered slightly, wrapping the blanket around his small body to keep warm. Slowly standing up, he shook the excess snow off of himself and prepared for what was sure to be a long and horrible day. And it was sure to be the first of many.

(Page breaker)

Yoh sighed and stretched in the chair he was in. it was another lazy day for him, when Anna was gone shopping and no one had come over all day. And, as difficult it was for the brunette to admit, he was bored. And then it hit him, Ren was supposed to had arrived in Hokkaido last night, and so, to waste time, he could call over to Horo's place and make sure the trip had went alright! Yoh smiled at himself for his own genius.

Yoh stretched one last time and headed over to the kitchen, picked up the phone, and began dialing the long distance number, even though he knew Anna would kill him for wasting money to call that far away. He put the phone to his ear and immediately heard Horo's voice on the other end.

"Hello?" Horo's natural bewilderment showed through, even over the phone.

"Hi Horo, it's me, Yoh! I called to check up on you and Ren." he still had the same lazy voice over the phone as he did every day, but he put on an excited tone, though trying at the same time to conceal how excited he was.

"Ren? Wait, isn't he there with you? He's not here. Why, was he coming? He better not be, there's a major storm just outside Hokkaido, and transportation is really dangerous. Yoh? You there?" Horo could no longer hear Yoh in the background, and for a moment he thought that he'd hung up, but it was the shock that had made him stop. He quickly shook himself mentally and began talking again so that Horo would know that he was still there.

"Yeah, I'm still here. You said that Ren never got there? But, he left for Hokkaido in one of his jets yesterday. He should have been there by now. Wait, what if something happened to him?" Yoh's voice sounded worried, and Horo had to admit that all of the signs to Ren getting hurt were there. The storm had been worst last night. And Ren's jet had been headed right into it.

"Oh man, Yoh! What if he got caught in the storm? Why would he even try to go out in that kind of weather?"

"Well, he did feel pretty bad about how he acted to you two days ago, and I think he really wanted to apologize. He was pretty upset that you'd left."

"Really? I didn't know." Great, now he felt really bad. It was his fault that Ren had ever gone out looking for him in the storm. And it would also be his fault if Ren was…. He tried to convince himself that no such thing had happened, and to stop thinking about it, but his thoughts kept coming to it. To Ren, cold and alone, dying because of him.

"Yeah, I think that's why he left. So, you're sure he didn't come down there?" Yoh questioned, tilting his phone slightly to hear Horo better from the long distance interference.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Yoh, this is bad. What if he's hurt? We have to find him, get a search party together or something." He was genuinely worried about him. And even if he had to do it alone, he would go out in the cold and look for Ren. He just hoped that he would not have to be alone when he made that trip.

"I know, we'll probably have to get a jet or something, I think we can pay to rent one or something. But, I don't have enough money to pay for the trip." Yoh said sheepishly, knowing that Anna had been buying enough clothes for ten people to keep herself.

"I have enough saved up, I think. I was going to spend it on some new plants for the Koroppukkur, but I think this is more important." And it was set. Horo did have enough money saved up, and renting the jet would be simple. And as it turned out, a pilot came with the jet to fly it, so neither of the boys had to learn. But there was still the problem of Anna, and whether or not she would let Yoh go on the trip.

(Page breaker)

Ren had been walking nonstop for almost four hours, trudging along slowly, and still had not found anything he needed to survive. His feet were sore, and the bottoms of his shoes were wearing out from him dragging his feet as he walked. His eyes were unfocused and half closed, devoid of all emotion. His tongari had long since fallen apart, making his tangled hair look much longer than it normally would have been. The bitter cold stung at his bare flesh, but he no longer shivered. He was too cold and numb to feel it.

His feet gave way underneath him, and he fell with a slight 'thump' onto the hard, frozen land. A small jagged rock cut his arm, but it was his left arm, so he could not feel anything. He looked down at it and saw the blood form and begin to trickle down his arm.

And he watched it.

All he could do was watch.

All he ever did was watch.

Watch as the blood formed outside of the bodies of other people.

Watch as he hurt so many others.

Watch as he killed.

Watch as he bled.

And now all he could do was watch as slowly he died.

All he could do was watch.

He didn't have the energy left in him to fight death. He knew he would not die yet, for it took days to die without food or water. But there was water all around him, frozen water. The cold would slash at him slowly. But it was not solely because of this fact that he was dying. He was dying inside, too.

**DarkTaoAngel: So, how was that chapter? I tried to make it as long as the previous chapter, and I think I did a good job. Sad chapter, I know. So, will Horo make it to Ren in time? What will happen if he doesn't? Will Ren ever get to tell Horo all he wanted to? I wrote this whole chapter in one day, so it isn't perfect, but please tell me what you think of it. Review even if you didn't like it, because I want to know what I can do to make it better and more enjoyable for you to read. And yes, I am only writing these author notes to fill up space. It's my goal to have 4,000 words per chapter or more. Please review!**


	3. Make a Wish

**DarkTaoAngel: Sorry if you're all getting tired of my comments at the beginning of each chapter, but I like writing them. Sorry for not updating for almost two weeks, even though that's not that long. I was camping, and it was really fun! Also, I am not getting as many reviews as I would have liked to (not that I don't like those I do get), and I would like to make sure you are all still into this story. Tell me what you think of it in a review, and also, please tell me if you have any ideas for it, as I am making most of it up as I go along, though I do have a general layout for it. Also, I know that Ren is supposed to be about 14 in this story, but he's actually 17 here for reading purposes. Oh, and I've collected a number of quotes that I like particularly from the book I wrote (not yet published) and a few of my fanfics. Tell me if you want me to post them sometime! Oh, and thanks to whomever reviewed telling me to change the conversation with Horo and Yoh, so that Yoh doesn't mention all that Ren had said/done before leaving. I think it makes more sense what they said, so I changed it ever so slightly. Thanks for the reviews, and sorry for the uber long authors note!**

The next day Ren woke to find himself half buried under a thick sheet of icy cold snow. He was exhausted and freezing, now that the cold had begun taking its full effect on his body, and he really needed something to eat. The weather and his lack of nutrition was taking its toll on him and making him feel unbearably weak, but there was nothing he could do about it. All of the food he had brought, which was not that much in the first place, had been in the jet. And everything in the jet had blown up with it, except for Ren. It seemed that he had fallen out of the jet through the window before it had fully hit the mountain. Shen's body hadn't blown up with the jet either, but he had hit the mountain. Ren would have had the same thing happen to him had it not been for that window. If only his friend had done the same thing…

Ren brushed off as much snow as he could and leaned onto his knees, the blood slowly rushing to the rest of his body. His head hurt and his eyes burned from the bright whiteness of the snow. He clamped them tightly shut, hoping that this whole thing had been a dream, but as he opened them again he found that he was still facing the snowy desert that seemed to go on for millions of miles. He fell forward onto his hands and found that all of his weight pressed on his right arm, causing a sharp pain to shoot through it, but he felt nothing in his other arm. He hadn't really checked to see if anything was wrong, but he figured that, since he had nowhere to go and nothing to do, he would see if there was anything wrong.

As he looked, Ren saw small spots of black and blue going up his arm, and he knew these to be the first signs of hypothermia. There was nothing he could do about it, just hope that it didn't spread. Not that it mattered if he was to spend the rest of his days out in the cold, snowy abyss that was the Hidaka Mountains. He shook off the thought and went back to examining his left arm. He traced it slowly with his eyes and found that it bent out slightly more to the left than his other arm. He pressed his right-arm fingers to his elbow and found that one of the bones there was sticking out at an odd angle. He knew right away that his arm was broken, and he figured that it was time for him to find out what else was broken, too.

Ren looked over his other arm and both his legs and found them to be fine, if not a little weak. He thought that everything was fine, forgetting his troubles with pain the last two days, and attempted to stand, but found right away the source of his overall pain. His chest; his ribs. There were at least two of them that were broken, one on each side, and then he remembered it…

(Flashback)

_Ren heard the storm outside the jet intensify, and he knew something was wrong. He attempted to leave the room and find the pilot, but he didn't even make it to the door before the jet tilted again and he was sent flying sideways. He looked out of the window, seeing a large mountain close by. It was getting closer, and Ren knew that the pilot could not avoid it from that distance. Grabbing a pillow from a nearby bed and covering his head with it, he prepared for the impact that he knew was coming… _

_As the jet collided with the mountain the southernmost window shattered, the one right next to where Ren was huddled, pillow above his head, fear showing in his magnificent golden eyes. He looked up to the window and ducked as it broke into millions of small pieces. The pieces cut his hands, which were holding the pillow in place protectively above his head, and the blood flowed onto said pillow, staining it from white to a deep red in color. The wind outside ravaged, tearing apart what of the jet the mountain failed to claim as its own. Ren attempted to move away from the window, which proved a futile attempt as the wind took him as its own as well…_

_Ren screamed halfheartedly, knowing it would get him nowhere as he fell, letting go of the pillow and clutching his head in his hands as he fell from the jet and collided quickly with the ground, landing facedown. Hearing an explosion from above him, he kept his hands above his head as the shattered pieces of the jet fell all around him. He could feel the bruises forming where he'd landed, and the snow quickly coated over his blood-caked hair. He felt pain shoot through him in his chest as he heard something crack, and he tasted blood in his mouth. He attempted to talk, but the blood filled his lungs, nearly suffocating him, and sending him out of consciousness… _

(End flashback)

Ren groaned as he remembered what he had failed to before now. Seeing it in his mind was almost as horrible as feeling it had been, and the pain seemed to all come back upon the remembrance of that terrible, crippling pain. He was deeply surprised that nothing more had happened to him, but looking back on it he wished that something had. He would rather have taken the short amount of pain that came with that kind of death over the prolonged yet inevitable death that he was already facing any day.

(Page breaker)

"But Anna—" Yoh said, earning a left-handed slap from his angry fiancé.

"No buts, you still have cleaning to do, so you can't go." Anna said, walking out of the room before Yoh could protest again. Yoh hung his head, knowing that the chores she would put him through would be far worse than going out in the storm looking for Ren. But, there was no arguing with Anna. He would just have to tell Horo that he couldn't come.

Yoh walked into the next room, still moping that he could not come with on the rescue mission, and picked up the phone, dialing the number to Horo's place in Hokkaido. He heard a quiet voice come through the other end, so unlike Horo's voice. It was sad, listening to it, for it lacked all energy and happiness.

"Horo?" Yoh spoke into the phone, wanting to make sure that it was Horo who had picked up the phone. He heard Horo say 'yes' and he continued speaking, "What's wrong? You sound depressed. Did something happen?"

"Yeah. Today was the day of Pirika's funeral, and I had to say a big speech in front of everyone. I nearly started crying. And that isn't the worst part," Yoh leaned in closer to the phone to hear this part because of the static interference, "I found out the reason why she died. She was caught in the storm on her way to see me in Japan. She didn't make it, but the pilot did, and he had a phone to call my mom. And the storm has gotten worse since then. And Ren's out there all alone! Did you at least get the okay from Anna to go, because I want to get out there and start looking for him as soon as I can? It might be my fault that he's out there, and I want to make sure that he's alright." He said this part kind of rushed, but not nearly as quickly as Yoh spoke next.

"Sorry Horo, I can't. Anna's got me doing double chores, and she won't even let me out of the house. I tried talking to her about it, but she yelled at me. I really wish I could go, but I really can't. Tell Ren I'm sorry when you find him. Bye."

Horo hung up the phone slowly, whispering to himself, _"Yeah, if I find him…"_

(Page breaker)

Horo packed all of the clothes that he would need for at least two weeks aboard the small plane he'd rented, hoping that he wouldn't need to be out on it for that long, for he knew that Ren would never survive that long, no matter how strong he was. He knew he would find Ren, for he wouldn't stop until he did, but it was in what condition he would find him in that truly worried him…

The plane was smaller than Ren's jet had been, but it could cover more ground than a jet could, and it was cheaper to rent. There was one pilot, a tall, bodyguard-like man who never talked, but he wasn't mean. He was a family friend to the Usuis, so he didn't mind flying the plane at all. He was a licensed professional, so Horo was all set to find Ren. he pushed the thought of finding Ren dead out of his mind, knowing that if that was the case, he'd have to face it eventually anyway, and it was worse to think about it when there was still a slight chance that Ren would be alive when he found him. Yoh had said that Ren had left two days ago, and if he'd crashed in the storm or gotten hurt, out in that cold weather… Horo didn't like to think about what he might find.

Horo looked through his small pocket map of Japan, checking all of the areas where Ren could have crashed, if he had, and seeing that the first area on his map was right outside of Hokkaido, not that far from where he was, the Hidaka Mountains. He prepared himself mentally for the fact that Ren might not be there, or that he might be there. It was the latter of the two ideas that frightened him the most.

The plane took off, and Horo hoped that Ren would be there, alive. But the odds were not that good, and he had no idea how he would handle it if something had happened. He'd thought he was prepared, but he had no idea of how much more preparation he would need to face what he might have to.

"_Ren…"_

(Page breaker)

_Is this how it's going to end? Cold, alone, hurt and starving? I'm weak, and I know that, but that doesn't matter to me anymore. I just wish… I wish this would all end. It hurts so bad… I tried to tell myself that the pain was nothing, I've experienced pain like this before, but not for so long. It just hurts too much…_

Ren found his thoughts getting the better of him again, but there was nothing he could do. Stranded on a tall mountain alone with nothing else to do, thoughts were the only thing that he could resort to. But that didn't make the cold reality of those thoughts any less painful. Ren felt warm water falling from his face, and it felt good in the freezing atmosphere he was surrounded by. But why was he crying? He knew that he shouldn't be so selfish as to cry just because he couldn't get off of the mountain; because he was going to die soon. But he just couldn't take the pain anymore. He was still bleeding a bit from his arm where he'd cut it, and he knew he was bleeding inside, too. And it wasn't just physical pain either, it was mental also. What if Horo was mad at him? He'd never gotten to apologize to him, but he was beginning to think that wasn't the only reason he'd risked his life to go to Hokkaido. He really loved Horo, and he wanted to tell him that at least once. But the way things were, he'd never even get to see Horo again. He'd die before that could happen.

He'd since given up on finding anything to eat or any shelter. He didn't find any need to. Even if he found something to eat, chances were it wouldn't be that much, and he'd be stuck on the mountain until his friends found him. But he knew that they weren't even looking for him. They didn't know… they didn't care.

He had plenty of water all around him, but it was all frozen. He'd managed to thaw some of it out with the small blanket he still clung to at night, and he actually found that it melted enough for him to drink some. He knew that he could live longer without food than without water, and he could live for about two weeks without food. He didn't especially want to live, but he didn't want to die either. He was only seventeen after all; he hadn't lived as much as he would have liked to. He'd lost half of his childhood, and he still wasn't sure if his life was worth living. But that didn't stop death from being so scary.

Sure, the fear of the unknown was overwhelming to almost any human being, but this was different. It wasn't particularly where he was going that frightened Ren, but moreover what he was leaving behind. He still had so much to do, so much to say. He just wasn't ready to say goodbye forever yet.

Ren shivered slightly and cuddled closer in his blanket. Sighing, he tried to think of something to do that would take his mind off of the situation he was currently in. It was night at that point, and as he looked up he saw them. The stars.

_There are no stars here in Tokyo,_ he remembered himself saying many years ago. But he had been wrong, there were stars, he just couldn't see them. He didn't know where he was, but atop these mountains he could really see them. They were especially bright that night, and there were millions of them sprinkled through the sky. He smiled a bit as he saw them, and for a moment he forgot about where he was. They brought back memories, and many of them. It was almost as though the stars held the memories, and when it was the right moment they played them back in the mind of the watcher.

Ren sighed contentedly as a shooting star came roaring through the sky. _Make a wish._ At first he didn't know what to wish for, and he kept thinking about what was really most important to him at that moment. Should he wish to somehow get to Horo to apologize? Or should he just wish to live through another day? He thought about it for a moment, leaning over slightly to keep the star in his range of vision. But that was just what set off another pang of pain in his chest. He put his hand to the source spot on his right side ribs, but could not stop the pain from coming. The star was moving away quickly, but he then knew what he was going to wish for. "_I wish," _he spoke aloud…

(Page breaker)

_I wish…_ Horo thought as he looked out of the window of the small plane at a large shooting star. There was no reason for him to even think of what he wanted to wish for, because he already knew. That was why he was out there in the first place. _I wish that I could find Ren soon… alive…_

The plane was flying just outside of the Hidaka Mountains, which were quite large, and there had been no sign of Ren yet. Horo was extremely worried, though he didn't like to show it, but he still insisted of trying to keep his usual happy, enthusiastic attitude towards the situation. Though everyone and everything had pointed towards Ren already being dead, he still wanted to keep hope alive and try his hardest to find Ren… one way or another…

The plane turned sharply around the mountain so as to avoid hitting some part of the large stone, and luckily they didn't hit anything. The pilot of the plane was very expertly handling the situation, and he had thus far managed to get past the worst of both the storm and the mountain. The plane only had two rooms: one for the pilot, and one for the passengers. Horo was told to stay in the passenger room so that he didn't startle the pilot into crashing, but he was finding it quite lonely in that small room.

There were only five or so chairs to the room, one bathroom, and one small foldout couch. Horo was laying on the couch, as he had for much of the flight thus far, but in his haste he'd forgotten to pack anything to entertain himself. He had thought at first that he would find Ren right away and leave for Hokkaido after that. He never anticipated that finding Ren would be this difficult, not to mention boring. Until he found Ren he'd have no one to talk to, which disappointed him as he'd hoped that Yoh would have at least been able to come for part of the trip, and then they'd fly him home early or something when Yoh had to leave or when they found Ren. But even if Horo found Ren, Ren might not be in any condition for talking. But there was still the chance that he was, and that was all Horo needed something to keep himself hopeful.

Horo sighed and looked out the small window to his right. It was closed, but there were no curtains, so he could clearly see beyond the glass. There was still a lot of snow falling, though not as much as there had been earlier, and it looked as though they were pretty high up in the air. They would never find Ren if they couldn't see him. They had to fly lower. He called out to Akari, the pilot, and told him to fly closer to the mountain.

"But wouldn't that mean we'd be closer to the mountain and a large portion of the storm? We could crash!" the pilot answered him, his voice soft, yet it still held the strength to protest should he want to.

"I don't care!" Horo surprised himself by shouting at the top of his voice, "I'm going to find Ren, even if I have to fly this plane by myself!" he knew it was probably his fault that Ren was out there, fighting for his life. He fully blamed himself, although he didn't know all of the details of exactly why Ren had gone out in the first place.

The pilot didn't answer, but instead flew lower so that they were only about ten feet above the mountain. It was very dangerous, but the determination in Horo's voice had told him not to question his motives and instead comply with what he wanted.

_Ren, I'll find you if it's the last thing I do…_

(Page breaker)

Ren knew his chances of ever seeing Horo again were not very high, and he didn't even bother telling himself that he would get to see him again. He had stopped trying to convince himself that he would be fine, make it to Hokkaido safely, and tell Horo that he was sorry. He let his tears fall freely now, because there was no one around to see them anyway. No one ever would either. He thought about it, spending every last one of his days alone on that mountain. Alone, just as he had been all of his life. He had thought once that he wasn't alone, that he had friends that cared about him, but he knew that he was just fooling himself to mask the horribly real truth of it all. No matter how much he cared for someone, they would never care for him. That was just another part of being born into the Tao family. But it wasn't entirely the Tao family's fault, it was his own. He'd cared for Horo, fallen in love with him even, but he knew as he lay there that Horo would never want him around.

Horo didn't love him.

He didn't even like him.

Horo wasn't even looking for him.

He didn't know that Ren was out there anyway.

And he probably didn't even care.

No one cared.

Ren didn't even care anymore.

"I just w-wish that all of t-t-this pain would g-go away…" Ren stuttered due to the cold, and not even the blanket could provide enough heat to stop his shivering. He looked up at the sky and saw that the shooting star had gone already. He'd been too late to make a wish. He wasn't sure that he believed that whatever you want could come true if you wished to a specific star in the sky, but he was getting desperate.

_Day three…_ he smiled to himself slightly; _I won't have to stay out here for much longer. Of course, I could just speed up the process… That would be one way to stop the pain…_

He searched for a moment, and then came across a sharp, jagged rock somewhere to his right. It was the same one he'd been cut with earlier, on his numbed left arm. He couldn't feel any pain on that arm, from his elbow down. He smirked again as he slowly stood up, supporting himself with his right arm. He shakily walked towards the rock, picking it up with his good hand. He smiled as he clenched it tightly in his hand for a moment, watching the blood trickle slowly down his arm. He was testing how strong and sharp it was. It would do the job perfectly. His smile widened as he thought about what he was about to do, and he was still smiling as he brought the rock sharply across his left wrist…

**DarkTaoAngel: I was depressed when I wrote most of this, and I was also listening to the Titanic song 'My Heart Will Go On,' so that could be part of why this is so sad. But if you read through the summery and really think about it, you'll know what happens next in this story. Also, I would like to thank whoever offered to write the lemon for me, but I might write one on my own. I'll let you know when that time comes. Anyway, enough with the long author notes, just review please and let me know if you want me to write a lemon, alright?**


	4. Hallucinations

**DarkTaoAngel: Thanks for your reviews, they're so encouraging! Oh, and I've pretty much decided that I'll write the lemon, but I'm not sure how good it'll be. But that's going to be pretty far along in the story, so I don't have to worry about that yet! Oh, and the Hidaka Mountains are real mountains! They're in southern Hokkaido, I looked them up on the internet! Anyway, to make up for the last one, this will be a short author note/disclaimer. I don't own anything in this story except my plot! Please review!**

_He searched for a moment, and then came across a sharp, jagged rock somewhere to his right. It was the same one he'd been cut with earlier, on his numbed left arm. He couldn't feel any pain on that arm, from his elbow down. He smirked again as he slowly stood up, supporting himself with his right arm. He shakily walked towards the rock, picking it up with his good hand. He smiled as he clenched it tightly in his hand for a moment, watching the blood trickle slowly down his arm. He was testing how strong and sharp it was. It would do the job perfectly. His smile widened as he thought about what he was about to do, and he was still smiling as he brought the rock sharply across his left wrist…_

Ren watched as the blood formed slowly beneath the cut, reaching the surface and trickling out, equally as slow, down his arm. The crimson liquid fell silently to the ground, coating the snow a deep red. The cut in his wrist opened a bit more, allowing more blood to escape from his body. It was fascinating to watch, really, and it made Ren wonder just how long a human could go on living with such a cut before dying of blood loss. He'd find out anyway, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he was sure the blood was coming out slower now.

He looked at the rock in his right hand for a moment, the blood hanging on it, showing off in the light as if it were glowing. It was rather pretty, actually, the sight of fresh blood. It was something Ren hadn't seen in a while, ever since he'd met 'them' he given up on his killing. But to kill himself wouldn't be as bad, would it? He didn't know, but he really didn't care. 'They' weren't around to see him do it anyway. Not that they'd care, but he still didn't want them to see it. Luckily for him, they never would. He knew he'd never be found, he'd known that for a while. It made his heart ache thinking about them all, how he missed them… but he merely shook off that feeling for that of his heart slowing down in its beating. At least, that was what he hoped it was. For he honestly couldn't think of how he missed them… it was far too painful, much more painful than what he was currently going through.

Ren took one last look, mixed with mourn and with anger, at the rock in his hand, before bending his hand as far back as it would go towards his right wrist, as he couldn't use his left hand it was too numb, and slitting that one as well. It took a moment before the blood finally started to come, gushing quickly out of the large opening in his wrist. Now both of Ren's wrists were bleeding, quite badly in fact, and he knew it was only a matter of time before his small body could no longer take the major blood loss.

But then a thought struck him: what if his plan actually worked? Sure, he knew that it would when he'd slit both of his wrists, but he hadn't really thought about what he was doing. It almost felt as though this was all a dream, and he could wake up and be fine at any time he wanted to. But now that he thought about it, what he was facing was far more than a mere dream.

He was going to leave behind all he'd grown to love.

He was going to lose his last chance at making everything he'd done wrong better.

He was going to never get to see Horo again.

And then it all hit him…

_He was going to die._

"No… I-I change my mind! I don't want to die! I d-don't want t-t-to…" he fell upon the ground roughly, sobbing not only from the pain in his wrists, but from the pains of what was going through his mind as well. "I want to l-live… I don't w-want t-to die…"

He staggered to his feet, his arms hanging limply at his sides. The blood still flowed freely from them, spattering on the ground in large droplets. He dropped the rock still clenched in his hand to the ground, where it was quickly covered in the powdery snow that swirled in the air constantly now. Ren coughed up a bit of blood, but he pretended not to notice it. That had been happening a lot lately. And it could only mean one thing…

(Page breaker)

A thick trail of blood signified the path that Ren had taken, only to be covered up by snow and layered once again with blood. He had been walking for almost an hour, searching for anything that could help him out of the mess he was in. it felt as though he had been walking around in circles, and perhaps he had. The blood just kept falling from his cuts, as it had been for the past hour. Ren felt weak, his legs were bound to give way at any time, and it was a wonder that Ren hadn't passed out, or even died, yet. It seemed that his will to live was now much stronger than his will to die.

Tears still rolled down his face, for he could not walk for much longer, he was in pain, and he had not found anything since he'd started walking. One of his shoes had fallen off about one mile after he'd started, and he knew it would make no difference if he stopped to put it back on. If he sat down to put it on, he knew he might never get up again.

_Why'd this have to happen? I didn't mean to do what I did; I just thought that it might stop the pain. But I really don't want to die! I just wasn't thinking… I just wanted to…_

His eyes were blurry and out of focus, and the new sun rise signified that he'd been stranded for a total of four days, though it felt like an eternity longer. The blanket he'd been using to provide warmth had since blown away in the wind, and Ren had been far too weak to run after it. The hypothermia slowly crawling up both of his arms and one of his legs told him that no matter what amount of warmth the blanket had provided, it was still futile to continue carrying it around as though it would help him to live. The only way he even had a chance to live was if some sort of doctor magically appeared with food, water, and shelter, and even then, the hypothermia, starvation, dehydration, or loss of blood could all kill him in an instant regardless of whether or not he was given the sudden chance at life. He was probably too far beyond survival to live for even one more day, and he knew it.

And then he saw it, a figure ahead of him, walking towards him slowly. At first he didn't recognize the figure, but as it came closer, he knew who it was. It was Jun. Without even thinking about it, Ren ran as fast as he could to her, not even caring anymore that he was in pain and overexerting himself was not a good idea. What was she doing there anyway? She wasn't even wearing a coat, just her normal Chinese dress with the slit in the side and the great dragon around it, but she wasn't running to Ren or anything. Just walking, as though to take her time. But Ren didn't care, he was just happy to see her.

But that was what was odd about it all. It seemed too good to be true, and as it turned out, it was. He ran towards his sister, fell on the ground near her feet from exhaustion, and reached out to her for her to help him up, but where he should have felt flesh, he felt nothing. His hand simply went right through her. He looked at his hand, and when he looked back up… she was gone. She had been nothing more than a mere hallucination. She was never really there.

Ren groaned slightly, trying to stand again to continue walking, but he couldn't. His arms wouldn't support his weight anymore, and he couldn't push himself up with his legs alone, because he always seemed too weak to stay up. he would often sway on his feet for a moment, and then fall roughly onto the snow again twice as hard and painful.

All he could do was sit there.

Sit and wait for someone.

Someone to find him.

But the worst part was…

He'd be dead by the time that happened.

Ren took a small piece of what little cloth was left of his shirt and tied it around his wrists. He would do whatever he could to survive as long as he could, even though that wouldn't be for that long anyway. But if he tried really hard, he could probably see the stars one last night. And then perhaps he'd get his final wish that he'd made to the stars last time he'd watched them answered.

"_I just wish that all of this pain would go away…"_

(Page breaker)

"Ren… please be alive…" Horo had been up in the plane for almost three days already, and he'd found no trace of Ren at all. He was beginning to think that it was hopeless, and that he should go back, but that would be pointless, too. He'd paid for one week of flying, and that was how much flying he intended on doing if that was what it took. Even if he didn't find Ren alive… he at least wanted to find what was left of him. "Please, please be alive…"

The storm wasn't nearly as bad as it had been for the past four days. Sure, the snow was still falling down in thick flakes, but the wind had almost stopped, and the mountain could be seen a lot better, making it easier to spot everything on it as well. Horo was positive that if Ren was down there somewhere, he be able to see him from up in the plane.

They were flying over the southernmost part of the Hidaka Mountains now, so if they didn't find Ren soon, Horo would have to go home and forget about ever finding him. It had been four days, so Horo didn't want to get his hopes up, and something told him to just give up and spare himself the pain of what he might find. He'd face that if he had to, though he really hoped he wouldn't have to. And then he heard it from the pilot, the very thing he was beginning to think he'd never hear. It gave him hope at first, but after he saw it, his heart almost stopped.

"Look down there, do you see it? I think there's something down there!" Horo looked out the window and saw, far below him, what looked like a small wreck, which he hoped was not Ren's jet. There was no way he'd have survived that! Not only was Ren small, but almost anyone regardless of size, would have died in a crash like that. The pilot landed the place and waited inside of it while Horo left to check the wreck for any signs of Ren.

The looked through a large bit of it before he finally found it, all of the evidence he needed. It was a piece of the jet, a small piece, but it was one of the largest of the remaining parts that hadn't been blown into microscopic size pieces. He turned it over in his hands and saw an imprint on the back that read _'Tao_._'_ He knew it had to be Ren's jet.

The pilot had since come out of the plane and was looking around also. He didn't pick anything up, but he carefully scanned the area. He didn't know what this 'Ren' looked like, but he would alert Horo if he found anyone. He didn't see anything remotely human at first, but then he spotted it. There was a body laying not that far away from the wreck. It looked as though it was dead, for it was not moving.

"I think I see someone, over there," he pointed to the body somewhere to Horo's right, "is that him?" he didn't sound that worried, for he didn't even know who Ren was, but he knew that he was important to Horo, so he knew he should at least sound a bit concerned that he could be dead.

Horo ran towards the body, his heart thudding somewhere in his throat at the thought that that could be Ren. _He didn't even make it away from the jet… _but when he came closer, he saw that it wasn't Ren, but more than likely the pilot instead. Horo checked his pulse and found that he wasn't breathing. It wasn't surprising though, as there was blood everywhere around him, and the wounds he'd sustained most people would never survive from. Horo scanned the area a bit more thoroughly, and saw that Ren was nowhere in sight. _He isn't here! That means he lived! He walked away from the crash! _But Horo knew that Ren could have been buried under the snow, or stuck under the crash wreckage from the jet, or worse, he might not even be in one piece. And Horo also knew that, even if Ren did survive enough to walk away from the crash, he might not have made it very far. He could have walked a little way and then passed out from his wounds and died. There were so many ways that Ren could have died, and very few that pointed towards him living.

"You wait here, I'll go look for him. If I'm not back by tomorrow morning, go back home and tell my mother. She'll know what to do. I'll be back by tonight… hopefully." He muttered the last word under his breath, took one more look back to the pilot, who nodded and went back to the plane, and began his walk to find Ren, one way or another…

(Page breaker)

He had begun walking with the thought that he would find Ren within only a few minutes, but soon minutes turned to hours, and he'd been walking for what he thought was more than three hours, at the very least. He had been following recently the trail of red that he'd found only about a half hour ago, which he had assumed was blood. Ren's blood. _Man, Ren bled a lot. I hope he's alright. What happened to make him bleed this much? Ren, what did you do to yourself?_

The cold was starting to get to Horo, and he wondered what Ren had had to endure in such a freezing atmosphere. Sure, Horo was used to cold, being an Ainu and living in Hokkaido most of his life, but Ren wasn't at all accustomed to such a cold climate. And what much it be like at night, where temperatures reach well below freezing? Ren must have gotten at least a little hypothermia, which could have killed him unless he found something to keep himself warm. But, how could he do that if the jet blew up, leaving him with little or no extra clothing, and no fire could start at such a high altitude, even if Ren did have matches to light one with.

Horo shivered and rubbed the sides of his arms to keep himself warm. It didn't help much, but it was enough to keep him walking. He was wearing almost three layers of clothing, having anticipated that such temperatures would be only expected so near his own home, but he was still cold. Ren hadn't known how to pack for Hokkaido, so what did he have to keep himself warm? He probably didn't even have a coat…

Horo was about to give up, his face full of sorrow and his mind full of regrets, when he finally found what he was looking for. It was faint, but he could still see it. There was a figure, human looking, huddled on the ground only about half of a mile away from him. He could see it clearly against the snow, and there was no doubt about it. It had to be Ren.

He ran towards him as fast as he could, not even preparing himself for what he might find, he was just too excited to see Ren alive again to even think about the possibility of him being dead. He came closer to Ren, seeing his small body and purple hair, though no longer a tongari style, and that confirmed that it was indeed Ren. _Please, Ren, please be alive…_

(Page breaker)

Ren could hear the crunching of the snow in the distance, and he knew that someone was coming. He looked up slightly, though it made him dizzy, so he immediately dropped his heavy head back onto the snow. His hair clung to his face because he was soaking wet from the melting snow, but he had no energy to stand, or to even lift his hand.

He was huddled in a fetus position, with his legs curled up against his chest, his arms hanging limply by his side. His eyes, barely open for it took too much energy to keep them from closing, where no longer bright yellow. It was as though the very soul and spark had been taken from them. There was blood all around him, mostly from his wrists, which he had attempted to bandage, but had failed so the cuts had opened again and were bleeding worse than before. He was weak, and he could feel the blood draining from all over his body. Yes, he knew that he would die soon.

It was nearly night, and the stars were still not out yet. It was almost as though they didn't want to come out. Ren wanted to see them one last time, but he knew that at the rate things were going at, he would never get to. _It's so cold… It hurts; everything hurts. Why won't it stop? Please, someone, make it stop…_

But then he saw it, somewhere off in the distance. It was a person, someone coming towards him. Ren got his hopes up right away, thinking that it was someone finally coming to save him. He tried his best to stand so that they, whoever they were, could see him, but he could not, no matter how hard he tried. He pushed himself forward onto his hands to steady himself, but that caused him to topple over frontwards, making him dizzy and even further away from standing. He opened his eyes as wide as he could, which wasn't very wide as they were caked with blood from the crash, and attempted to identify the person steadily coming towards him. As he squinted he could just barely make out the image of the figure, seeing only one thing that really stood out: blue. And he knew right away who it was.

"Horo…" he said weakly, the strength draining from him with each moment. He was still bleeding slightly, and he could feel his bones cracking slightly more under his malnourished body as he lay there, trying to catch the attention of the slow moving figure in the distance. Ren tried to call out to him again, but his voice came out choked and difficult to understand. It was raspy from dehydration, and the realization of the situation was finally beginning to dawn on him. it was a hallucination, just like Jun had been. He was imagining Horo; he wasn't really there. No one was; no one was there to save him.

"Ho…ro…" he whispered lightly, taking one last look at the hallucination he so wished was, and willed to be, real. The last he saw before he fell out of consciousness was blue, and then it all went black…

(Page breaker)

"Ren!" Horo yelled, running to Ren as fast as his legs would carry him. He saw Ren's head up, which mean he was alive. Ren struggled to stay in an upright position, but fell back abruptly. Horo began running faster. _I'm going to get to Ren in time! _But all of his thoughts of finally getting to see Ren again were crushed as he saw Ren fall… and not get up again…

Horo ran faster still, pulling off his thick coat as he did so. Ren would need all of the warmth possible if he was to live. Horo reached Ren soon after, tired, but not even bothering to worry about himself. He was much more concerned about Ren at the moment.

"Ren, wake up! Please Ren… please wake up… Ren, wake up… Ren…" Horo wrapped his coat around Ren's shoulders, pulling him close so that he rested in his lap. He grabbed Ren's wrist and pressed two fingers against it, checking Ren's pulse. It was slow… too slow. But it was still there.

"Ren, hold on a little longer, okay? I'll get you to the hospital and…" Horo swallowed a bit before continuing, knowing fully well that it was all a big 'if,' with no guarantee that Ren would even make it to the hospital in time, "D-don't worry, Ren, y-y-you'll get b-better in no time…"

Horo looked down at Ren's wounds, noticing that he was bleeding considerably, not to mention the loss of blood he'd already suffered. He removed his fingers from Ren's wrists, only to find them smeared with blood. In his haste to see if Ren was alright, he hadn't noticed the two large cuts, one of each wrist. _Ren… what did you do to yourself?_

Horo tore a piece off of his own shirt, using it to attempt to stop the bleeding on Ren's wrists. His eyes shifted to Ren's left arm, seeing that it noticeably bent in two places. It was obviously broken. Whether or not it was reparable, Horo did not know.

Horo ran his fingers absentmindedly through Ren's hair, thinking through what he should do. Should he leave Ren and get him later, or bring him on the plane and watch him die, for that was almost guaranteed to happen? And if there was a possibility of Ren living, would he ever be normal again? _All my fault… it's all my fault…_

Horo's fingers hit a bump on Ren's head which, although it wasn't bleeding anymore, was very serious. It could have caused a concussion or something fatal. He lowered his head so that it was close to Ren's, listening to his breathing. It was slightly labored, but at least it hadn't stopped. Perhaps there was still hope for Ren yet.

Horo took Ren into his arms bridal style, holding him close to his own body to keep him as warm as possible. His feet ached from walking for so long, but then he thought about all of the pain he'd caused Ren by him coming out there to look for him, and it was way worse than walking for a few more hours. He didn't want to cause Ren any more pain. He was doing this all for Ren.

Looking up at the sky, Horo found that it was nearly night. He still had a many more hours before the pilot would leave without him. And there was something else he noticed about the sky: it was filled with billions of tiny stars. _My wish… to find Ren alive. And I did. Now I wish he could stay that way… Maybe this is a sign; I couldn't see the stars before now. Perhaps they came out for Ren and I. perhaps Ren will live…_

(Page breaker)

Horo had taken Ren up onto the plane, and the pilot had taken off without another word. They had flown for about an hour and a half before reaching Hokkaido. Horo had left the plane in the more than capable hands of the pilot, knowing that he had better things to do than return it and wait for the plane rental man to give him a long speech about planes. He would never have had the time. Ren was way more important.

Currently sitting in the waiting room of the hospital as he had been for the past three hours or so, Horo awaited the moment when the doctor would finally come out of Ren's room to tell him all of the news about what happened. The good… and the bad.

Horo sighed, looking around the room in an attempt to busy himself and keep himself from thinking the worst about what was going on with Ren. He was just beginning to focus on the patients coming in to the ward he was waiting by, when the doctor finally came out of Ren's room, number thirty-three.

"Mr. Usui?" the doctor said; Horo nodded, and the doctor, a neatly shaven, sterol, and most likely single man, continued, "I have the results of the tests, and I can now tell you how your friend is doing." He paused for a moment, but then continued as though nothing had happened to stop him from speaking, "your friend, Ren, I believe it is, was badly injured when you brought him here. Very badly injured; I'm surprised he lived. Three broken ribs, his left arm broken in two places, and many other crushed bones. His blood loss was much more than many people could have survived through, and that he did is a miracle in itself."

The doctor stopped for a second, apparently waiting for Horo to speak. Not catching on right away, it was another minute before anyone, Horo in particular, began the conversation again.

"Sir, is he alright? I mean, will he live?" Horo was sweating at this point, trying not to just jump up and run into Ren's room to see for himself. But he thought about it, and that would get him no where. If he could see Ren, he would. If not, he would know why…

"We had to do some blood-work, and a transfusion, and his arm and ribs will have to be wrapped up pretty tight. His left arm has been set into place, and though his breathing isn't fully back to normal, he is doing much better than he was when you brought him in. If you want, I can take you in to see him, as long as it isn't for too long."

Horo nodded in response, standing slowly and walking towards Ren's room. He tried to act calm, but it took everything he had not to shout with joy. _Ren's alright! He's going to be fine! I can't believe it, I thought Ren was… well, it doesn't really matter what I thought, the important thing is, he's alive!_

The doctor held the door for Horo, who entered it eagerly. He wanted to see Ren, and he couldn't wait another minute. He walked through the white doors and into the also pure white hospital room. It was large, but Ren was the only patient in it. That was because Ren was in the ICU, the ward for critical care that people in as bad of shape as Ren needed.

Horo expected to see Ren awake, yelling at him or something, but to his surprise he had to search a moment for Ren, finally spotting him laying on a small bed in the far right of the room. Horo walked towards him, seeing that he was bandaged up on his arms, chest, and forehead. He was either sleeping or unconscious, though Horo couldn't tell which. He looked so peaceful there, just laying, eyes closed, an almost… innocent look about him. Horo wasn't quite used to seeing Ren without seeing his spear at the same time, but this Ren was much more tolerable. He was cute, sleeping, not even fully aware of what had happened to him.

Horo almost jumped out of his skin when his tranquil thoughts were interrupted by a loud beeping from his left. The machine that measured Ren's breathing was making loud noises, and eventually it just buzzed for a long time, not stopping. Horo didn't need the doctor to tell him what that meant, and his eyes scanned the room, looking for someone who was trained to handle that sort of stuff. He didn't know what he would do if Ren were to die in front of him, especially after all of the progress he'd been making in his health since his arrival at the hospital.

A doctor, the same one Horo had met earlier, came in with two nurses, one male, one female. The nurses went to Ren's bedside, putting on rubber gloves as they went. Horo was about to ask why they were doing that, but he didn't have time to. The doctor came to Horo to explain what had happened, and in a whispered yet knowing voice he said:

"We need to operate immediately…"

**DarkTaoAngel: Longer chapter! Ren's been hurt, gotten better, and then been hurt again! If you don't know, that machine had to do with his breathing, which has stopped! It's almost like everything is against him living… Anyways, please review, if you didn't like this chapter, or if you did! Let me know what I could do better in this story, and sorry for the late update! Review!**


	5. Taking Risks

**DarkTaoAngel: Sorry for the late update, I've been really busy lately! I hope this chapter turned out as good as I hoped it would! I have been getting about three reviews per chapter, and although that was my goal, I'd like to get at least four for this one. Thanks, and enjoy chapter five!**

It all went by in a blur; Horo didn't even have time to blink and the doctors were already loading Ren onto a stretcher to take him into the Emergency Room. It felt like Horo's mind had quit working, and he didn't even know what to think. Ren, his rival, but also him friend… and perhaps something more. It would literally kill Horo inside if anything were to happen to Ren because of him.

"His heart is failing, we have to get him to ER right away!" a doctor shouted from Horo's left. Two more doctors had come in since the machine hooked up to Ren had started beeping. Horo just stood there, watching as another doctor came in, helping to lift Ren up and out of the room. Before Horo knew it, the medical team had already taken Ren out of the room, leaving Horo standing alone, listening to the steady beeping of the now unhooked machine that had been checking Ren's heartbeat…

The team of doctors rushed Ren to the Emergency Room, hooking him up to almost ten machines at once upon arriving. They lifted him onto an operating table and hooked him up to another machine to check his pulse again and, like with the other machine, it rang out at a constant pace, signifying, like the other one had, that Ren's pulse had stopped. They only had a few hours before, even with the machine they would hooked up to Ren to keep him breathing, Ren would cease to have even the faintest heartbeat, preventing them from having any chance to revive him.

"Ren…." Horo whispered, "Ren, I'm so sorry this happened. It's all my fault. Oh please… please get better…." Horo knew that he would never be allowed into the emergency room, so he walked as slowly as he could out of Ren's previous room. The slower he walked, the less time he'd have to spend in the waiting room. He hated it there.

It was so white.

So calm.

It was almost… peaceful.

People were dying all throughout the place…

But no one was screaming, as they should be.

It was an almost emotionless place.

And that was what Horo loathed about it.

Horo, not wanting to go to the waiting room right away, took a detour to the snack machine on the floor above. It wasn't like him to think about snacks at a time like this, but when he was nervous… he ate. And at that moment, he was so nervous he was almost shaking. He knew that if anything happened to Ren, it'd be his fault. It wasn't that Yoh had told him in the exact words that Ren had come to find Horo himself. But Horo knew better than that. If Ren had come out to Hokkaido at all, it'd be for Horo. There was no one else there that he knew, though Horo was still unsure of why Ren had come out there in the first place. But it had to be something to do with him.

_Ren, you idiot, why'd you have to come here? Didn't you know about the storm coming? Why would you risk your life like that? You could have died! The whole time you where out there, you were taking the risk that you could die! Even now you are still taking that risk… And for what! It's about me, isn't it? Since when have I ever meant anything to you? Why would you do something to stupid? The doctors… they say that they're going to need to operate. I know what that means… it's their last chance to save your life. You might… die, and it's all my fault! Now I might not even get to tell you how much you mean to me… Oh God, Ren, you can't leave me! Please… don't leave me…_

Horo fumbled with his money at the snack machine, dropping a few coins with his shaking hands. He tried to pick them up, but his hands were trembling so badly that he couldn't.

"Is something the matter?" he heard a voice behind him say. The voice was low and silky-sounding. Without even having to turn around, he recognized who that voice belonged to.

"Hao, what do you want?" Horo spat back at him, but when he turned around, he didn't see Hao. Instead he saw… "Yoh?"

"Oooh, so close! But you were right the first time. Like my new haircut? I don't, but I just _had_ to get it cut." And then that trademark smirk crossed his face, and there was no mistaking that it was indeed Hao. But then, why did he look so much like Yoh? His hair was cut the exact same way, and he'd even gotten a pair of orange headphones to wear. He was dressed in casual clothing: a white shirt with a red dragon on it, and grey sweatpants.

"You… you had to get it cut?" Horo questioned, knowing how much Hao's hair meant to him. It had to be something important to get him to cut it. And so short, too. Horo almost laughed, but then he realized something and stopped himself immediately.

Hao was at a hospital.

He didn't look like he was visiting anyone.

It looked as though going there was just something casual for him.

Casual like… like killing was to him…

And then it all hit Horo…

That was exactly why he was there.

"What did you do to Ren!" Horo shouted, just loudly enough to sound a little bit threatening, but soft enough to not get thrown out of the hospital. His eyes narrowed as he glared at Hao, who in turn, looked as innocent and taken aback as though he had just been accused of something that he'd never even thought to do in his entire life. But Horo knew him better than that.

"Do to Ren? Why would you think that I did anything to_ him_? I haven't done anything _to_ him, I've just given him a few _pushes_ in the right direction…" he smirked again, maliciously, and Horo's eyes widened as it all clicked.

Ren had needed a map to find his way to Hokkaido.

He'd only accept maps from people trusted.

Or at least… thought he trusted.

And who'd tipped Horo off about where Ren was?

Who had told Horo that he couldn't come with him because of 'Anna'?

Who had sent Horo to find Ren just enough days after Ren had become stranded for him to be on the verge of death?

Who had sent the two of them out, virtually alone, on a remote mountain to die?

It wasn't Yoh…

It was Hao…

"Yes, _Horokeu_." He put extra emphasis on Horo's full name. "Yes… but silly little Ren didn't know how to give up. I know, I was watching him. Shall I tell you how he writhed about in his pain? Or about how he'd attempted to kill himself, and only realized that it was a mistake only _after _he'd cut_ both_ of his wrists? How about how he muttered in his sleep? Yes, he actually got to sleep once. Only once, and it wasn't for that long, but the whole time he was muttering one thing… '_Horo…_' So, how does that make you feel? Knowing that he only suffered because of _you_? Oh, and shall I tell you about the pilot, who actually _did_ die because of you?"

"_Stop it!_" Horo shouted, louder than he'd intended to, but luckily no one had heard him. Horo clutched his head and fell on his knees on the ground, muttering under his breath, "Make it stop… Please, no more… I can't…" Tears were streaming down Horo's face, falling on the ground beneath him. He stared at the ground, his eyes almost closed, and kept mumbling to himself.

"Oh, yes, he cried too. Constantly, the little weakling. He had to die. I was just moving him in the right direction by using my Spirit of Fire from outside of the hospital to focus the oxygen going into his lungs. If he hadn't suffocated yet, my spirit is still waiting outside."

Horo looked up at Hao with tears still running down his face, his eyes red and half closed. Hao almost took pity on him. _Almost_. But he decided against it.

"Get up off the floor, you look pathetic. Plus, people are getting suspicious." He watched amusedly as Horo, shaking, picked himself up off of the floor, wiping his eyes, but still the tears came. "You know, if it makes you feel any better, or worse, you and Ren weren't my only targets. I mean, I had to get you to go to Hokkaido somehow."

"You! You killed my sister!" Horo said, taking a step backwards to avoid being so near such a killer.

"Yes… and no. I didn't _personally_ kill her, you see, she thought that you were back home, waiting for her. You had some important news, or something like that, and since she wasn't in Tokyo with all the rest of you, she actually believed it. She, like Ren, went out into the storm, and died almost instantly. She was struggling to live after breaking her neck from the fall out of the plane she'd taken, so I merely _helped her out a bit_. She was cold. I just made her a bit _warmer_ is all."

"Y-you s-s-sick freak!" Horo was now shaking so badly that he was stuttering greatly. Hao merely chuckled a bit, amusedly watching Horo's face as it all connected. It was _way_ more fun to watch than watch his sister die.

"Oh yes, and you are next. After all, I can't have you telling anybody about this, can I? No, that won't do. But this is much more amusing to watch, so I think I _will_ watch for a little while longer before I _destroy_ you. After all, you have no weapon, and I would much rather toy with you a bit before I kill you. How could I do that if you were to die instantly? Just keep in mind, if your_ love_ – yes, that's right, I know how much he means to you – lives through this, you can expect that, should you tell anyone, I will find him… and _burn_ him. Oh, and if he doesn't live today, then your _mother_ will be next in line." Horo's eyes widened, and he was about to say something, but he never got the chance. For, as quickly as he had come, Hao had disappeared, right before Horo's own eyes.

(Page breaker)

Horo hadn't bought anything from the snack machine, as his hands were still shaking so badly he couldn't have eaten anything, even if he had managed to get the coins into the small slot in the machine. He had since returned to the waiting room, and was sitting on one of the chairs, Hao's words still echoing in his head. He was trembling, and tears still leaked out of his eyes every once in a while. People had been asking him constantly if anything was wrong, but he ignored them, and they didn't bother asking again. Some of them had even thought that he was deaf and couldn't hear him, so they tried talking louder, even shouting, but still Horo didn't even turn to look at them.

Horo watched as the clock opposite where he sat, ticking down the minutes until the next hour, which was five-o-clock at night. He'd been at the hospital for almost eight hours, and more than half of that time had been since Ren had gone into the emergency room. But still, Horo had heard nothing of Ren's condition. The clock kept ticking, just as the machine hooked up to Ren to check his pulse had ticked. Horo just wished that it would stop, like Ren's had, and alert everyone.

He wished they could feel his pain.

They all sat in their chairs, so calm, not even speaking to one another.

Horo wished they would scream, shout, and panic.

Show any emotion at all.

But instead they were like lifeless corpses, staring off into space.

Coming and going.

They acted like this was a routine.

Like it was no big deal if someone died.

They held their feelings inside.

If they had any feelings at all.

Tick, tick, tick, tick… The clock echoed in Horo's mind, driving him nearly insane. If Ren was going to be alright, why hadn't they come to tell him that yet? But even Horo knew that, despite the powerful effect that doubt had, he knew in his heart that there was little or no chance that Ren would live. He's known that from the start, he just didn't want to tell himself that. Hao had opened his eyes to that reality. They would all die soon enough, so what was a few days difference? If Ren were to die sooner rather than later, wouldn't that be better?

_No! He can't be dead! He can't die! He was the one who, more than anyone I know, could prevail in even the darkest of times. So, why is now any different? There's got to be some way to keep him alive, and maybe I can live too. But, to do that, we'd have to fight Hao, and even if Ren were to live through all of this, he'd be in no condition to fight, especially against such a powerful opponent. But Ren will live. He's got to. If he doesn't… neither will I. 'It'll all work out.' That's what he had said. He had lived off of that simple phrase. But, how am I supposed to know that it wasn't Hao saying that, too?_

'_It'll all work out.'_

"It'll all work out."

So, where was Yoh now?

When Horo needed that sort of assurance more than ever?

Where was everyone?

No one had been at the Inn when Horo had left. No one except for Ren. Hao must have come later, but what about the others? Where were they? If Hao had taken them, why hadn't he taken Ren too? And then something in Horo's mind clicked, and it all made sense.

Hao wasn't after Ren.

He hadn't been after Pirika either.

Hao had been after only one person.

And that was Horo.

_But, what would he want with me anyway? Unless…_

And then Horo remembered it. He remembered everything from that night. Hao wanted Horo. Anyone who got in his way had to be killed. Because Horo loved Ren, he also had to be killed. If Hao couldn't have Horo, no one could. The others didn't know it, but on their trip to China to save Ren, Hao had caught up with Horo and cornered him.

(Flashback)

_Horo, Yoh, Manta, Ryu, and all of their spirits had just arrived at China. The view from the top of the mountain that they were on was stupendous. Horo was looking out at the magnificent landscape, but was interrupted as something hit him right in the shoulder. So, someone was throwing rocks at him, right? Horo looked around, and that was when he first saw him. A shaman, no taller than Horo, wearing a rain poncho and who knows what else under it, star earrings in his ears, and gloves also with stars on them, his hair no shorter than shoulder-length, was standing in some bushes behind Horo. _

"_Something wrong?" Manta asked, a skeptical look on his face. _

"_No. It's nothing. You guys go ahead, I'll meet you at Ren's place. I have… something I need to do." Horo said as the others walked away, turning around to see if anything really was wrong with him, and then continuing on their long walk to the Tao Manor. _

"_What is it exactly that you want?" Horo asked the boy once he was sure that the rest of the gang had gone far beyond sight. The boy walked casually over to Horo, standing a mere few inches away from him. Horo didn't know why, but something about this boy frightened him, so it wasn't surprising that he flinched as the boy absently fingered his blue hair, twirling it in his fingers. _

"_You." Was the boy's only answer. He stepped a bit closer to Horo, leaning in slightly, but Horo backed up, thoroughly shocked, from the boy._

"_W-who are you?" he asked, not even sure of why his voice was shaking. He didn't know who this boy was, but there was an evil, menacing sort of aura about him. Sure, Horo was a shaman, so he shouldn't be afraid of anything, but this boy was also a shaman, and he seemed quite a bit more powerful than Horo himself._

"_My name is Hao." His words rang in Horo's head, for he was sure that he'd heard that name before. And then it hit him. Hao. That was who he'd heard about. The great onmyoji; but he was supposed to be dead. Unless… unless his next reincarnation was the boy standing in front of him. So that was why he looked so much like Yoh, apart from his hair… he was Yoh's twin. Yoh had told the whole gang a great deal about him, but the rest Horo had found out on his own._

"_Shocking, isn't it? Yes, _Horokeu_, my name is Hao. Are you surprised that I know your name? I know quite a fair bit about you. You see, I've taken a sort of _liking_ to you. I've been watching you these past few days, and I have a bit of a proposition for you. Join me, and I'll give you anything you want. Forget about the others, come with me instead."_

_Horo's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. Join Hao? With what he'd heard about him, Hao was his enemy. _

"_Wh-what? Join you? I can't! I-I can't just leave my friends behind!" Horo said, almost shouting, as he backed away from Hao as far as he could, backing him right to the edge of a small cliff that the others had bypassed on their way down. Horo took a step forward as the rocks beneath him crumbled. He had no where else to go._

"_Such a pity that it has to be like this." Hao said, walking casually towards Horo, watching as Horo's eyes frantically searched the entire area for any escape. There was none. "Yes, what a pity. But let me tell you something, you will join me someday, or die fighting. And I would hate to kill someone I care about such as I do you. Until then…"_

_Hao's face was a mere two inches away from Horo's, his breath on Horo's face, causing him to flinch. He leaned forward slightly, pressing his lips against Horo's. Horo stayed as still as he possibly could, not wanting this sort of contact from this boy whom he didn't even know. He felt Hao's tongue against his lips, begging for entry, but Horo wouldn't let him get the better of him. He stayed as still as he could, keeping his lips firmly together. After a few moments, Hao finally gave up and backed away from Horo._

"_Very well, I won't force you. But keep in mind, you _will_ be mine soon." And with that, Hao disappeared, a small cloud of grayish smoke marking where he had gone. Horo looked around for a moment, making sure that he was nowhere in sight, before he let out a sigh of relief. He took a step forward, assuring himself that the cliff below him was not going to collapse, and that that boy – Hao – was not coming back again, and began running the opposite way, down the side of the cliff, and quickly catching up with the others, to whom he said nothing of what had just occurred._

(End flashback)

The more Horo thought about it, the more clearly everything seemed. That threatening look that Hao had given him just a few hours ago, that was the same on he'd given him that night. This was how he intended to get Horo to join him. By threatening the lives of those Horo loved, so that Horo had to go to him to make him stop. That was the only thing that Horo would be able to do after everything that Hao could do to him. Horo was helpless. Hao had all the power, and it was only a matter of time before Horo's entire world crumbled because of Hao.

"Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we have word on the patient you brought in earlier." Horo's eyes shot up upon hearing that it was he who was being addressed. Standing next to him was one of the doctors that he could remember having arrived after Ren had stopped breathing.

"R-really?" Horo asked, his voice sounding much more pleadingly than he'd intended it to, and he was still stuttering. He couldn't believe that merely seeing Hao again had gotten him this spooked. "How is he? Sir." He added, remembering how the doctor had called him 'sir' so it was only respectful of Horo to say it back. He looked at the doctor's face, hoping to see some form of emotion on it to indicate how Ren was. A smile, a frown, anything. But there was nothing, his mouth forming a straight line above his chin, signally neither a smile, nor a frown.

The doctor said nothing, simply ushered Horo to follow him. Horo followed in silence through half of the entire ward of emergency cases, before finally the doctor stopped outside of the door to ward number twenty-seven. He put his finger to his lips to signal Horo to be silent as he entered, sliding the door open and walking in, Horo following in his wake.

The room had only one bed, as the other one had, but it had way more machines in it. A still, pale figure lay on the bed, so many machines hooked up to him that it was difficult to even tell that he was there. There were pulse regulators hooked up to wires in his wrists, and a mask over his mouth and nose, pushing oxygen into his lungs. His tongari was still, as it had been when Horo had found him in the mountains, in a long mass down to his shoulders. His eyes were shut tightly, and one of the other doctors tending to him was currently filling a needle with a sort of pinkish liquid, ejecting it into one of Ren's small, limp wrists, Ren not even flinching as this was done.

_Why are they putting that stuff into his arm? Does that mean he's alright? He's awfully pale, and he's not moving… Could it be? Could he possibly be… dead?_

**DarkTaoAngel: Haha, evil cliffy! Sorry about the confusion, but as it turns out, in this fic, Hao is known by all of the shamans as Yoh's twin, but only Horo knows more about him, because he did his research! I hope this cleared up all questions you had, and opened up a few more! Pirika was killed by Hao, Ren is in critical condition, possibly dead, and even Horo's mom is in trouble! I love this chapter, and I hope you do too! I absolutely love seductive Hao, and poor helpless Horo! And yes, Angel-chan actually did a plot! This story didn't have a plot until now! Oh, and check out my new deviantart account! Go to my profile, and it's there. I don't draw very well, but I mostly draw Naruto. I wanna draw some RenHoro, but I can't… But I might someday, so watch for some of those, and I have a few on my favorites list, too! Please review!**


	6. Time to Recover

**DarkTaoAngel: This update isn't too terribly late, so I hope I didn't keep any of you waiting for very long! I've been drawing lots lately, and I've been really busy, but I think you'll like this chapter. You all must know by now how much I like torturing Ren, so I'm sorry if I made it seem like he's going to die. He still might! Read this chapter to find out. Not that many plot twists here, but it's still a good chapter. Please review!**

_**This chapter is officially dedicated to my new friend, Freak (Carly)! I hope you like this! I'll update as soon as I can (and don't completely spazz out at getting this dedicated to you, you deserve it! Enjoy!**_

And then he heard it. The soft, steady beeping of a machine. It was faint, but still there. His eyes scanned the room, and his heart jumped as he saw it. It was the machine that had been hooked up to Ren when he'd arrived, the very same type of machine that had been hooked up to him in the other room as well. It was not making the same low buzzing sound as before, but now more like a soft, rhythmic beeping. And it could only mean one thing…

"He has three broken ribs, and it looks as though his left arm is broken also. He's suffered some head injuries, though luckily nothing fatal. We're still unsure of why his breathing stopped earlier, but it's fine now. Both of his arms had a bit of hypothermia when he arrived, but that was easy to take care of. Lucky you brought him in on time; another few hours and he might not have made it."

Horo stared at Ren in shock. It was difficult to believe that someone as invulnerable as Ren could become so weak in such a short amount of time. He was pale, his body shaking with every gasping breath he took, and he looked much thinner than usual. Of course, he hadn't eaten in days, and judging by the trail of blood Horo had followed to find him, he'd been walking for quite a while as well.

"So… is he going to be alright?" Horo asked, unsure of whether he even wanted to know the answer. Sure, the doctor had told him that his breathing was fine, and that he was alright so far, but how much more would his frail body take before all of that changed? He'd been through so much that it was a miracle that he'd survived, but he still had much more to survive still. Horo held his breath as the doctor cleared his throat and began speaking.

"Well, we do think that he will live, yes, but he'll need to be cared for greatly for the next few weeks. We'd like to keep him here at the hospital for at least another day, not in the Emergency Room anymore, of course, and observe his progress, but as soon as his breathing returns completely to normal and we get his arm in a cast, he will be let out. You must care a lot about him to have come all that way to save him." Horo had to tell the doctor about what had happened to Ren, for medical purposes, and so the doctor knew all about him coming to Ren's aid in the middle of the freezing weather. Of course, he had left out a few details, but for the most part, he'd told him everything.

"Yes… I do." Was Horo's only answer; he took one last glance at Ren, seeing him as he fought for breath, beads of sweat rolling down his face as he gasped in his sleep. It almost brought tears to Horo's eyes to see him in such a state, but the doctors had told him that Ren would probably get better. Probably. For such a small word, it meant the world to Horo at that moment.

(Page Breaker)

The next morning, Horo got a call from the hospital. At first he thought that it had to be bad news, after all, why would they be calling otherwise? But then he remembered: the doctor had told him that when Ren got better he would go home, and that he would get better soon. But, could it really only take one day to get his breathing returned to normal?

Horo answered to phone, still a bit apprehensive, but tried to make his voice sound casual rather than anxious.

"Hello?" Horo said, his voice a bit high, but other than that mostly normal sounding.

"Are you…" he paused a second, as though checking a paper for something, "Mr. Usui?" the doctor's pronunciation was a bit off on Horo's last name, but at least he got it right. Though he probably had to check the form Horo had filled out when he'd brought Ren to the hospital two days ago to find out what his name was.

"Yes, I am." Horo said, wanting to say more, but his voice was already cracking. Was he really that stressed about what could have happened to Ren?

"I am one of the doctors that operated on your friend, Ren was it, the other day, and I'm calling to tell you that he's gotten quite a lot better, and if you wish, you may come back to the hospital some time today to pick him up."

Horo couldn't believe his ears. Ren was alright?

Would he be awake when Horo came to get him?

Would he get completely back to normal soon?

Would he ever get back to normal?

What if he never did?

"O-okay. Can I come and pick him up now?" Horo said once he finally found his voice. He could hear the doctor fumbling with something on the other end of the phone, and it was a minute before the doctor said anything at all.

"If that is convenient with you, then I don't see why not. He'll probably be sleeping; he was just given a quite powerful dose of pain medication, which also acts as a sleep-aid. He'll probably be out of it for a few days, and he will need to take some various medicines daily, but his breathing has returned pretty well to normal. So yes, you can come and get him now."

"Alright, thanks." Horo said, hanging up the phone and trying to contain his excitement. After everything that had been happening lately, it was very difficult to believe that Ren could still be living, let alone perfectly fine. Well, as fine as would be expected after all he'd been through.

Horo's mother wasn't home, but he didn't feel the need to leave her a note. He didn't need to wait for her to come home, and the hospital wasn't that far away. Horo was seventeen, and as such age, a perfectly respectable driver. Well, almost perfect at least. Getting his keys and locking the house, Horo got in his car and left for the hospital.

(Page breaker)

When Horo got to the hospital, he was handed a variety of pill bottles and instructions on how often to give Ren each of them, as well as a list of problems that could occur within the next week or so, given the constantly unstable condition Ren was still in. It appeared that Ren would be sleeping a lot off and on for about the next week, so that wasn't much of a problem.

Ren was wheeled out in a hospital-provided wheelchair, still asleep, his head hanging down slightly. He looked peaceful, the last thing that most people would be if they'd had to go through what he had. Of course, he was sleeping, so that was part of it. But, despite all of that, there was still something different about Ren. Horo just couldn't figure out what it was yet.

After everything was said and done Horo was allowed to take Ren home with him. Of course Horo wasn't going to make Ren, in his condition, go back to Japan, especially not in such weather, and his home was always open. He knew that his mother wouldn't mind, though he knew that she probably was not home yet. Her shopping, however often it was and could be, took much longer than most people took in one month to shop. And she never brought that much home with her. Sometimes Horo wondered just what she did on her shopping trips when she wasn't really shopping.

Horo thanked the doctors for taking care of Ren and left the hospital, Ren still soundly asleep in the wheelchair. The wind was blowing gently, but not too bad. It was a bit surprising, especially considering how bad the wind was up on that mountain. It was hard to believe that he was still in Hokkaido, because that was where the mountain was, but the weather was far worse there. It wasn't even snowing at that moment where Horo was. Horo's house was only a few blocks down from the hospital, so getting Ren there would be no problem, even if he wasn't driving.

Horo pulled his jacket a little tighter around himself. It was getting a little colder out, and that made him wonder what it was possibly like for Ren in that freezing weather for days. He looked down at the smaller boy with concern, taking off his own jacket and putting it over Ren instead. He needed it much more than Horo did.

The rest of the walk to Horo's house was quite uneventful. Ren slept the whole way, and though the weather got a bit more chilly, Horo had no complaints about giving Ren his jacket to keep him warm. Finally, after about fifteen minutes of silence, Horo's house came into view. Horo smiled, knowing that as soon as he reached his house, he would be pretty much rid of all concerns regarding Ren. They'd made it this far, and they only had a little way to go.

As soon as Horo got back home he had to find a room for Ren to stay in. luckily, his house had a small guest bedroom, just large enough to keep one bed and one dresser. It was really all that Ren would need, though, seeing as he hadn't brought anything with him anyway. Well, he had, but none of it had made it thus far. Horo found Ren a few extra blankets from the hall closet and placed them at the end of the small bed. He then picked Ren up and carried him to the bed, putting him down gently, so as not to reopen any of Ren's wounds or hurt his broken arm or ribs. He unfolded the blankets he'd brought in and layed them over Ren, tucking them around his sides slightly as a mother would to their child so that he wouldn't get cold. After his hypothermia just barely being cured, the slightest cold could still harm him.

That didn't last long, as Ren turned to his side, the blankets all falling over him and slipping to the floor. Horo sighed and pulled them back up over him. Ren looked cute when he slept, almost like a small child. Although comparing Ren to a child was not really something that most people would do, it was still true. Ren looked childish and innocent as he tossed in his sleep, shivering slightly from the cold. He could be so needy sometimes.

Horo knew that the doctor had said that Ren wouldn't wake up for a while, but Horo knew that Ren would probably be hungry when he woke up, so fixing him something to eat would probably be best. Horo thought about what Ren would probably like best, and decided on soup, since it would be warm, could be reheated, and was easy to make. He got everything ready, not that there was much to do anyway, and the soup was ready quicker than he thought. He knew Ren wouldn't wake up for some time now, but he brought the soup in anyway, on the off chance that he did.

Like he thought, Ren was still deep asleep when he brought the food in. he set the bowl of steaming hot soup on the dresser a little way away from the bed. Horo was going to find something else to busy himself with, but just as he was leaving the room, he heard a small voice behind him.

"H-Horo?" he heard Ren say, in little more than a whisper. Horo turned around sharply, a wide smile breaking across his face when he saw that Ren was already awake. His eyes were open slightly, though not much, and he had his right arm behind his back to keep himself propped up a little, though that didn't last long because he couldn't use his left arm, and he was still weak from being in the hospital. After he'd stopped breathing the doctors had done surgery on him, and the stitch marks on his chest could reopen at any time. Horo quickly ran to Ren's side and gently pushed him back, not wanting anything worse to happen to him.

"Ren, you're awake!" Horo said, trying not to shout, though the urge to was almost overwhelming. Ren nodded slightly, coughing a little bit and weakly laying his head back against the pillow again.

"Hai. W-where am I?" he added weakly, Horo having to strain his ears to hear him. "What hap-ppened?" he said, seeing his left arm in a cast. He took a deep, gasping breath and looked up at Horo with dull golden eyes. Horo's smile faded slightly as he saw the condition Ren was really in. He was breathing shallowly, and he looked the weakest Horo had ever seen him.

"Y-you… you got hurt pretty bad. I think you were trying to get to Hokkaido and…" Horo took a deep breath, trying to find a way to say what he knew he had to, but Ren beat him to it.

"T-the jet c-c-crashed, didn't it?" he said, stuttering from either the cold or because his breathing was still so shaky. Or maybe it was from both.

Horo nodded, glad that he hadn't had to tell Ren that himself. Partially because he didn't know what to say, but also because he did not think he could bear Ren's reaction if this was all new information to him.

"Oh, here, I made you something to eat. I thought you might be hungry." Ren nodded his head vigorously, regretting it immediately as his head began to hurt.

Horo brought the soup over and set it gently on the nightstand next to Ren's bed, within his reach should he want some.

"It's probably too hot now, but you can eat it whenever you want to. I'll come and check on you later. Call me if you need anything, okay?" Horo said, getting up and making a move to leave the room.

"I-I'm s-sorry…." He heard Ren say. He turned around and saw that Ren was crying. It wasn't very much, but there were a few small tears leaking out of his eyes and flowing slowly down his face.

"What? You're sorry? For what?" Horo said, utterly amazed that, after everything that Horo should be sorry for, Ren was the one who had apologized to him.

"F-for telling you that I h-hated y-y-you. I r-really don't. I'm so s-sorry." Horo was shocked. After all that had happened to him, Ren still felt bad about what he had said to Horo so long ago? Horo had forgotten about that almost instantly, but Ren must have felt really bad about it.

Ren felt that bad about it?

Was that what this was all about?

Had Ren really come all that way and risked his life for that?

To tell Horo that he was sorry?

Horo was the one who should be sorry.

After all, now he knew that it was his fault that Ren had almost died because of him.

It wasn't Hao's fault…

It was Horo's.

Horo ran to Ren's bedside and dropped to his knees on the floor beside him, pulling Ren into a loose hug. He could feel himself crying, though he told himself not to. He kneeled there in silence for a few minutes, not letting Ren go. He never wanted to let Ren go ever again. They were both crying now, but not a bad kind of tears. Horo slowly let Ren go, still crying slightly.

"No, don't say that. I'm the one that should be sorry. You almost died, and because of what? Because of my mistakes. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry…." And he pulled Ren into another gentle yet loving hug.

(Page breaker)

Horo had since left Ren's room after Ren had fallen asleep again. He's busied himself with the dishes, since he knew he didn't do them nearly enough, and he had nothing better to do anyway. After a few minutes, however, he heard the lock on the front door click and the door slide open. That meant his mother was finally home. He had a lot to tell her.

A tall woman with waist-length blue hair, quite like Pirika's had been, stepped into the house. She was wearing a suit-like black dress, but she looked like a kind woman. She immediately pulled Horo into a tight hug.

"Oh, I missed you so much, sweety! How was your day?" Horo's trip to the mountains of Hokkaido had taken only one day, and his mother had not known where he was going. He had left before she had come home, and called her the night after to tell her that he would be staying overnight somewhere. He hadn't wanted to tell her exactly where he was going, however, incase something did happen to Ren, or if she started to worry.

"Uh, mom, I have something to tell you." Horo said, wondering just how he would put into words what had happened. His mother had never met Ren, nor any of his other friends, as they had never come to Hokkaido. It had been a long time since Horo himself had set food in his homeland.

"Sure, what is it dear?" she asked, her voice sweet and soft. Horo still didn't know how to tell her, so instead he gestured for her to follow him, and led her to the room Ren was staying in.

When she got there she saw a pale, skinny boy she didn't even know, his arm in a cast, shaking and gasping for breath. She was completely shocked, and wasn't sure what to ask first; how he got there, who he was, or what had happened to him. She decided on the last one.

"What happened to him? Is he alright?" she asked, true concern showing on her face as she watched him once again fight for breath. He'd been doing that all day, so it was nothing new to Horo, but he could understand why she would think something would be wrong with him.

"Mom, this is Ren, one of my friends from the Shaman Tournament. The doctor said he was going to be alright, so you don't have to worry." Horo knew he should have said more, but he thought that he should first assure her that he would be fine, and then let her ask what she needed to know.

"Doctor? You were at the hospital? Oh my God, Horo, his arm's in a cast and he's covered in bandages! What in the world happened to him?"

"Well, his jet kinda crashed in the mountains, and he was stuck there for a few days before I found out he was there and went looking for him. That's where I was two nights ago. There was another guy with him, the pilot, but he died when the jet blew up. He had to have surgery, but the doctors say he'll live, so I figured he could stay here until he got better." Horo said, watching as his mother's face slowly developed a shocked expression.

"His jet _blew up_? Surgery? Someone died? Oh God, Horo, how is this boy even alive now? He was out in this storm? For a few _days_? And you were out in it, too?" she asked, still trying to register all that had happened. She looked back at Ren, seeing his small, skinny frame and how he was shivering and wondered how he had even stayed alive for a few hours, let alone days, out in that storm.

"Yeah, I know it's bad, but I had to! He's my best friend, and I couldn't have just left him there! I'm sorry, but I can't let him go back to Tokyo like this! So, can he stay with us for a little while? At least until he gets better?" Horo pleaded, knowing only too well that his mother couldn't resist his pleading.

"Of course he can! Do you honestly think I'd say no to that? He can stay as long as he wants. So, has he woke up yet?"

"Yeah, he did a few hours ago. But I don't want to wake him up again, he needs his rest, so lets leave." Horo said, walking to the door. His mother followed, still not believing what had happened, but knowing better than to doubt her own son.

"Oh, I almost forgot! I letter came for you today. I got it on my way in. Here." She said, handing him a small envelope with no address on it. It was completely blank. Horo opened it in curiosity, and found that he wished he hadn't opened it at all. It was written a bit scribbled, on yellowish paper, and it said:

_Horokeu, _

_I heard about Ren, that he's going to be perfectly fine. But remember, all that can change in an instant. You remember the deal I made to you, right? Give up, trying can only get you so far. You'd forgotten I was even a threat, didn't you? While you were too busy focusing on your precious Ren, you never once stopped to think that he might not live at all, right? _

_You have two options to choose from. You can join me, and watch from afar as your friends stay living. Or you can forget I ever sent this letter, and watch closely as all of your friends are killed because of you. Remember the pain of almost losing Ren? I wonder what sort of pain you'd feel if you really did lose him… _

_You have one month to decide. Say your goodbyes now, or you'll never get to say them… I'll be waiting…_

_Hao_

Horo read the letter a second time to make sure he'd read it right. He had completely forgotten about Hao. One month? What should he do? _Oh, Ren, I don't want to leave you again, but I don't want to see you hurt. How am I supposed to decide? Should I tell anyone? I don't want to go to Hao, but I promised Ren I wouldn't let him get hurt again. I can't let anyone die just because I don't want to do something. If that's what it takes to prevent anyone from being killed, then I'll have to accept Hao's offer. And I still have one month to say goodbye at least…_

And then he heard it, the sound of a choked scream coming from the other end of the house… the guest bedroom. It was a painful scream. He recognized the voice immediately... It was Ren…

**DarkTaoAngel: Alright, about this chapter. It isn't that eventful, but believe me, it will get better. Oh, and by the way, Ren's arm isn't broken, just fractured or something like that. The doctor said it 'looks as though his left arm is broken' but it really isn't. It'll heal faster if it isn't, and I want it to heal in a few weeks to a month. Nothing much about this chapter, but did you really expect me to kill Ren so soon? Read the summery! I still have a HoroRen lemon to write in a few chapters! So, review if you want me to write a lemon or not, and I'll update as soon as I can, okay?**


	7. Decisions: For the Best

**DarkTaoAngel: Sorry for how late this update is, but I've been busy writing other good stories for you to read. They'll be ready soon. Maybe. I have no idea when they'll be done, you'll just have to wait a little while. I'll either work on this one a lot more (which is what I'll probably do) or write a few new fics. Oh, by the way, I've decided to make a nice dedication for this story. The WHOLE story goes to one person. This person has been one of my biggest fans, so I think they should get the dedication. Carly (Freak), don't spazz out again, but this story (not just one chapter anymore!) is for you! You're encouragement really helps, and I'm glad you like this story! Enjoy the update (this applies to everyone)!**

Horo rushed to the room immediately, his mother following closely behind him. He wrenched open the door as quickly as he could, his mother, being shorter than him, peered over his shoulder to see what was going on. She looked shocked when she saw the massive amount of blood spread across the bed sheets, but said nothing. Putting a hand over her own mouth because she was so shocked, she watched quietly as the boy in the bed whom she hadn't even known for more than half of a day at the most began to writhe in pain, twisting in the sheets, staining them a deep crimson, but never opening his eyes. They were clamped shut as the wounds on his wrists reopened, spilling blood in large amounts from the still fresh, jagged cuts.

Horo said nothing, biting back the pain that had washed over himself immediately upon entering the room to see Ren in such a state. He tried to act as though he knew what he was doing, but he was terribly worried inside. He knelt down beside Ren's bed, trying desperately to gently shake him awake. He was having a nightmare, one that had led him to toss so ferociously that he'd accidentally opened his cuts again. They were too small to have to be stitched up, but they bled more than any cut that should require stitches would. Horo shook Ren a little harder, his mother still watching from the door, asking him what she could do, but he never responded. He probably didn't even hear her, he was too busy trying to get Ren to wake up gently so he didn't get startled.

All of a sudden, Ren's brilliant golden eyes shot wide open. He sat up and looked around for a moment as though unsure of where he was, his eyes scanning the area for any signs of familiarity. Finally, his gaze shot down to Horo, and a wave of relief flooded him. He slumped back down on the bed, closing his eyes for a minute, before he suddenly realized the pain that was shooting from his wrists. He looked at them, noting the massive amounts of blood still erupting from them, and looked back at Horo worriedly.

"Mom, I'm gonna need you to change the sheets while I dress his wounds, alright?" he glanced to his mother, who nodded, her eyes still holding the shocked expression they had ever since she's first seen Ren. "Okay, Ren, I'm going to get you some stuff for your wrists so maybe they won't open up again." He said, Ren nodding as he spoke. For some reason, he didn't care if he showed his weakness in front of Horo.

Ren sat idly on a chair in the bathroom as Horo rummaged throughout the hall closet, taking out an array of small items, most of which weren't even supposed to be there, until his finally came across what he was looking for. He held out a small, thick roll of what appeared to be a kind of tape that was made of cloth. He was going to have to wrap those around Ren's arms tightly so that the bleeding would stop. He ran hot water first over the cuts, Ren wincing as the heat reached his sore wrists, and then began to wrap the cloth.

It took Horo a good ten minutes to wrap the cloth, making sure not to wrap over the cast on Ren's left arm. He wasn't the best at dressing wounds, so the end result was a bit sloppy, but it still was effective at stopping most of the bleeding. A little bit of blood still managed to trickle out of the bandaging, but not as much as there would be without them.

"Well, you can take a shower tomorrow, but for today, since it's getting awfully late, you should at least change your shirt, since it got so full of blood. Your pants should be fine. Here," Horo said, handing Ren on of his rather thick pajama shirts to wear, "you can borrow this for now. At least until you get some clothes of your own."

Ren nodded in appreciation, taking off his own shirt easily by slipping it over his head and putting on the other one of Horo's. Horo smiled at seeing Ren in his overly baggy shirt. The shirt was burgundy in color, and it was about three sizes too large for Ren. It was cute, especially considering that Ren was so small.

(Page breaker)

"Now dear, are you sure that this boy is going to be alright?" Horo's mother said, nodding in the direction of Ren, whose room they were currently in. They were observing him as he slept to see if anything else could reopen that they didn't know about.

"Yes, mom, I'm sure. Listen, he's in the Shaman Tournament, with me, and I've seen him fight lots of times. He'd even fought with _me_! He's really good, and he can withstand almost anything. I think he'll be just fine in a day or two."

"Well, yes, but still…" she said, still eying his strange breathing patterns suspiciously, as though his heart might stop again at any time. "Are you positive you put the bandages on right? Maybe we should take him to the hospital again. You said you took him there once, what did they say? They gave you medications for him, right? Did he take them? Are you-?"

"Mom! Mom, yes I'm sure. I've got everything under control! Relax, okay? He'll be fine." Horo said, glancing at Ren's sleeping form on the bed. It was hard to tell now that he had just been to the hospital. Other than his breathing problems, he seemed perfectly… peaceful. He looked almost childlike.

That made Horo wonder, though, what type of nightmare could have caused Ren to thrash like he had earlier? It couldn't have been about what had happened to him in China, because that was a long time ago. It had to be recent. Perhaps he was dreaming about what had happened to him on that mountain? Horo had never seen anyone react so badly to a mere dream before, so this one had to be something particularly horrible. It made Horo feel bad because he knew that if it was something from when he was on the mountain, he could have easily prevented it from ever happening.

_One month… _he thought, _how is anyone supposed to make up their minds in that little time? I have to choose between being with Ren, which is what I want most, and leaving him forever. Of course, if I stay with him, we'll both die. But I promised him that I wouldn't leave him… I love him, but I'm sure he doesn't love me like I do him. Anyway, if he did, that would only make things worse. Then I'd have to choose between his happiness and my own. That'd be worse for him, too. But I don't have to worry about that bit. That'd never happen. But still, what am I supposed to do now? Ren needs me, and in less than a month I'm going to have to leave him. Is there really no way I can get out of this?_

"Horo, dear, is anything wrong? You look troubled," his mother pointed out, seeing his frown and worried face, appearing deep in thought. "You know, you can tell me anything. Maybe I could help?"

Horo thought for a moment. Telling his mother would make it easier for him to deal with this whole situation, because maybe she could help, but how would he explain to her that there was this psychotic killer who had the hots for him and would kill her and Ren if he didn't do what he wanted him to? Horo shook his head vigorously, knowing that he was going to have to tell her eventually, and dreading most of all when he would have to tell Ren.

(Page breaker)

Ren had stayed in bed most of the next day, sleeping the majority of that time. Horo had watched after him – with the help of his mother, of course – and though his wrists were not bleeding as much anymore, his breathing was still really shaky. Horo was extremely worried, especially after the stunt that Hao had pulled with Ren's oxygen intake at the hospital. He had been there every time Ren had woke up, and had been lucky that it was summer – though the weather wouldn't give that away – because he didn't have to go to school, which was good, because he needed to spend as much time helping Ren as possible.

As it turned out, Ren also had a particularly large gash on his chest, which Horo had discovered when it, too, had reopened. Doctors really weren't as good as they used to be, were they? They hadn't stitched up his chest _or_ his wrists, though the cast on his arm was on pretty good. Horo checked over the medical papers, and they said that it was only a fracture, but it'd have to be on for a while anyway. With all the medicine Ren had to take, he might as well have had cancer or something. He had to take two in the morning, one at night, and one after every meal. Ren rarely wanted to eat, but Horo had to get him to eat at least a little bit of food, because he couldn't take his medicine without eating.

Horo's mother had gone out for part of the day, looking for more bandages for Ren, because they'd already used up all they had, so she was sure to be gone for a long time. Horo didn't mind, he got to spend more time with Ren that way. He was still trying to think of a way to get out of the deal with Hao, but he pretty much knew for sure that he'd have to accept his proposal to join him. He'd just have to spend as much time with Ren as he could now then.

Horo was on his way to finish the laundry for his mom when he decided to check on Ren again. He was still sleeping, curled in a ball on his side. At least he wasn't having nightmares anymore, though he had had one the day before. It was a pretty nasty one too. That was how the wound on his chest had reopened.

Horo stood in the doorway for a few minutes, a smile on his face. It was nice to see Ren so calm. He'd never really gotten to know Ren until he had come to live with him. Even then he didn't know much, but it still seemed as though he was part of the family somehow. It was just too bad that it all had to end soon. Horo had little more than three weeks to say goodbye.

"Horokeu?" Horo heard Ren say when he was about to turn and leave. He hadn't even realized that Ren had woke up, he had been too busy lost in thoughts about Hao.

"What is it?" Horo asked, watching as a frown made itself apparent on Ren's face. "What's wrong?"

Ren looked as if he was thinking for a minute, trying to recall something he'd forgotten. Finally he looked up at Horo with a quite sad look on his face, still frowning, and it was another moment before he said anything.

"You don't still… _hate_ me, do you?" he asked, completely serious, his voice soft and sad, "For what I said? You're not still mad at me, are you?"

Horo was completely taken aback by the way Ren said this. It was as though Horo had made him think that. He wasn't trying to, not at all. Did he really think he'd hurt Horo that one time and he'd never gotten over that?

"What? Hate you? No, of course not!" he said, walking casually over to Ren's bed and plopping himself down beside it like he had every time he came in to visit Ren. "I never did. What would make you think that?"

"Well… um, _he_ told me something," Ren said, fidgeting with his thumbs slightly, "when I was up on that mountain. He told me I'd never get to see you again, or if I did, you'd hate me for what I said."

"Who said that? Was it Hao?" Ren nodded, looking down slightly as though thinking Horo was yelling at him. He was doing nothing of the sort, but he'd accidentally raised his voice in his rage at Hao. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so upset. I'm not angry at you; it's Hao I'm mad at. What exactly did he tell you?"

"Oh," Ren said, relieved that Horo wasn't mad at him, "Well, I don't remember what happened exactly, but it wasn't that long after I'd been stuck up there, and he came out of nowhere and told me that he knew what I'd said to you, and that you'd be angry at me if I lived, and that I should just die because…" he had to choke back sobs at this point, "because I'd never be worth anything to anyone anyway, and look at what happened to the pilot of the jet I was on. That was all my fault because I told him not to land and then we crashed. He was my friend and I killed him. Why should I deserve to live? I don't mean anything. At least that's what _he _said."

"But," Horo said, wiping away some of the tears that had managed to leak slowly from Ren's half closed eyes, "you mean something to _me_. You mean _everything_ to me. Why do you think I went back for you?"

"I-I… I just thought…" Ren said, now fully crying. But, somehow, he didn't care if Horo saw him.

Why was it that only Horo could see him cry?

He'd never cried, but for some reason he did now…

For Horo.

Why was that?

Why was it that Ren was so willing to give up his heart to Horo?

Why was he so willing to love Horo?

"Shhh, don't cry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you feel so bad. It's not your fault, it's mine. I'm sor—" but Horo didn't get another word out. Before he knew it, he felt Ren pull him into a light hug, which lasted a few moments, and then, as he pulled back slightly…

He kissed him.

It was loving and gentle, but it was a lot coming from Ren. Knowing that he could be facing rejection, just like he had throughout most of his childhood, it was a big thing for Ren to so easily let someone else into his life.

He knew the consequences.

He knew what could happen.

Horo could easily turn him down.

He could be hurt again.

So why did he still insist on trying?

Because he loved Horo that much.

Horo wasn't pulling away, but Ren didn't want to deepen the kiss because he didn't know what Horo's reaction would be. He broke the kiss and looked at Horo apologetically.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking away slightly, knowing that Horo would definitely hate him now. But to his surprise, Horo merely chuckled and leaned in, kissing Ren this time. Ren felt Horo open his mouth and his tongue licked at his lips lightly. Ren opened his mouth, allowing him entrance. He felt Horo massaging his tongue with his own. It felt… good. It wasn't just the kiss, it was the feeling behind it. Love.

Ren whimpered a bit as Horo broke the kiss, staring lovingly at Ren, who was panting, a light pink blush creeping on his cheeks.

"What's there to be sorry for?" Horo asked, Ren opened his mouth to speak, but Horo beat him to it, "I love you, too."

(Page breaker – _you thought that was all, didn't you?)_

Horo's mother came back later that day, a large bag of groceries in one hand and the package of bandages she'd bought for Ren incase is wounds opened up again in the other. She called Horo's name a few times, but he didn't answer, and she didn't want to call any louder because she didn't want to wake up Ren if he was still sleeping. She decided to check and see if Horo was in his room, but as she passed by Ren's room, she saw that she didn't have to.

Ren was fast asleep on his bed, facing the wall to the right, with Horo sleeping right by the bed, his head resting a mere few inches from Ren's, kneeling on the floor. Horo's mother smiled and left the room, returning to the kitchen to put away the rest of the groceries.

_He can be so cute sometimes. I'd almost forgotten that he could be so sweet and innocent, _Horo's mother thought as she put away the groceries slowly, one at a time, _And that boy, Ren, he's nice enough, too. I wonder what his story is? He seems so quiet and reserved. Horo's told me that he had a rough past, but how bad could it be to make him have nightmares like that? I can tell Horo cares a lot about him, to go through so much to help him. He takes really good care of him. There must be something really special about him._

She finished putting away the groceries and went outside to get the mail. There was never very much mail in Hokkaido, being as there weren't that many people who lived there, and those who do were mostly the kind of simple people who kept pretty much to themselves. And with Horo back home now, the only mail she got were bills. When Horo was in Tokyo, she got a lot of letters from him, and from Pirika, too, but now she didn't get any.

After sorting out the various bills of the day, she decided to get herself a cup of tea. It took her a few minutes to start the oven, but when she heard the whistle of the kettle she took it off the stove and poured her tea. She almost dropped it when she heard the fire trucks racing by her house, but she caught herself in time. What would they be doing in Hokkaido? There were never any fires. It was mostly cold there, and so fires, however few there were, always got put out right away. It must have been a pretty big one, too, because as soon as she was able to regain her composure, another truck came roaring down the street, right by her house.

"My goodness!" she said, taking a sip of her warm herbal tea and watching as a third fire truck passed her house. She made her way to the living room window, taking her tea with her, and peered out it, looking to see if she could spot where the fire was. She saw a small blaze of red, but couldn't tell where it was coming from. Walking slowly and clutching her tea in one hand, she went to the front door and tried to pry it open, hoping to catch a better glance of where the fire was, but the door wouldn't open. She pulled it as hard as she could, but still it wouldn't budge. All of a sudden, as though an invisible force was being lifted, the door opened quickly, and she managed to spill a bit of her tea on the rug by the door as she stumbled backwards. Ignoring it, she placed her tea gently down on the table in the living room, and set her eyes upon the intruder.

"What are you doing here?" she asked the boy, who had walked into her house uninvited. He wasn't wearing very elaborate clothing for the weather, only a tank-top and blue jeans, but he didn't seem to have a problem with the cold weather. As he stood there she noticed something. He wasn't even shivering.

The boy had light brown hair, Horo's mother observed, that only went down to his shoulders. It looked as though it had been cut recently, too, because the trimming on the bottom looked a little uneven, and as a mother, she was able to notice things like this. Also, on his arm, he wore an oracle bell. Horo's mother hadn't seen one of those in a while, because Horo hadn't worn his since the Shaman Tournament had been postponed because of a man called 'Hao' who was supposedly really powerful and wanted to become the Shaman King. She'd never seen this 'Hao,' but from what she'd heard about him, he was dangerous and pretty well unstoppable. Her son had seen him once, but he didn't tell her much about what he looked like. She did tell him that he had a large, red spirit, but that was about all. Lucky he would never think to come to a place like Hokkaido.

The boy didn't answer her question, but proved her hypothesis about his being a shaman correct by putting out one of his hands, a light red flame erupting from it. The flame moved to the tips of his fingers, being expertly wielded. This boy was truly skilled. He moved closer to Horo's mother, who backed away slightly, knowing that she shouldn't fear him because she didn't even know who he was, but also, her not being a shaman herself, knowing that she couldn't just stand up to him either.

The flame grew even larger, almost hitting the ceiling, which worried Horo's mother because her house could burn down at any moment. The boy then stretched out his other arm and easily ignited that hand, too. Both flames were tall, the bright orange tips glowing against the rest of the fire, which was all yellow. It was no wonder that the boy wasn't cold, he was a master of fire, which was enough to keep him from getting cold at all. Horo's mother, on the other hand, was now deeply worried. This boy was trouble.

He looked at her with narrowed eyes, smirked slightly, and in an unusually deep voice for a boy his age said, "Good evening, Mrs. Usui."

**DarkTaoAngel: Sorry for not using Horo's mom's real name, but I don't know what it is, and I didn't want to make up a name for her. Besides, apart from this chapter, she's not really a main character. Oh, and the first kiss of this story! Sorry, but no lemons for a while. I don't want to write one this early in the story, and plus, Ren's still hurt! And Hao's here! I feel so evil right now for making Hao come in! He wasn't even supposed to, but I have to keep this story interesting somehow. So, do you want me to kill Horo's mom or not? Because I will if you want me to. Vote yes or no in your reviews! You will review, right? I didn't get that many reviews for the last chapter, which makes me sad. And when I am sad, I tend to write sad things. So, unless you want me to kill Ren _and _Horo's mom next, review!**


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